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Uwe Boll (That Guy With the Glasses)

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I've wanted to take a shot at that cinematic Hitler for years!
~ Spoony



Uwe Boll is an antagonist in That Guy With the Glasses. He is a maker of terrible movies, which are infuriatingly irritating and have nothing to do with the video games they were based on, and also he is known for killing many movies. According to the Nostalgia Critic, he loves challenging his critics to wrestling matches and humiliating them.

Uwe Boll is famous for having no plot, changing scenes every few minutes, incredibly long opening text narration, and changing Lovecraftian-style horror to a soap sitcom episode. He also makes tonnes of money despite the fact his movies are always stupid.


Biography

Alone in the Dark

The Nostalgia Critic famously reviewed Boll's movie Alone in the Dark where he, Linkara and Spoony criticized "the horrors of the Boll" and they could only sit through Boll's movies as three. Spoony said "Nobody should have to watch Uwe Boll's movies alone."

Alone in the Dark was famous for having the characters walk into a set, stand in the center of the scene, talk mumbo-jumbo nonsense, then five minutes later retreat off set. In one scene, where some characters are called offscreen so they can be brainwashed into zombies, the Critic interprets this as evidence of Boll's horrid directing, with his cast literally walking off the set for no reason.


Bloodrayne

Most recently, the Critic, Spoony and Linkara ("the Three Stoodges") reviewed Bloodrayne, a movie so bad that Uwe Boll had to cash in on it. As usual, Bloodrayne had nothing to do with the games it was based on. Linkara and Spoony were summoned via the telepathic tearing of the Critic's permission slip, which they somehow heard despite being thousands of miles away. Spoony flew to the Critic whereas Linkara did a super speed run. They were reunited and stood up to the horrors of Uwe Boll's failure.

Linkara got pissed off at Boll's non-logical storytelling, such as

  • how would the Immortal Vampire be murdered
  • how would water (i.e. just regular water, not holy) hurt vampires
  • why would nobody look twice at a vampire being murdered publically,
  • why would a gypsy consider a dhampyr being exhibited "being kept in hiding"
  • why would nobody react when being stabbed to death
  • the two out of the five story telling elements (when and where) being ignored
  • monotone acting
  • the slowest final battle in history

Finally Linkara got so pissed off and traumatized at Boll's inexplicable laziness in storytelling and Linkara managed to punch Spoony in the nose, a feat he attributed to Uwe Boll and his horrible methods. Boll was possibly one of the most powerful enemies the Stoodges came up against, along with Lord Shyamalan, because Uwe Boll was on the verge of splitting their friendship.

Spoony tried to calm down Linkara several times by saying "It's Uwe Boll..." meaning who cares about the plot it had none anyway. Also, the Cinema Snob was so pissed off at Uwe Boll that Boll inspired him to kill, he went out and first killed a vampire, then a prostitute, and got infuriated when everyone asked if they were Boll vampires of zombie prostitutes. Finally the Snob yelled "What's wrong with everybody!?" and left in disgust.


Personality

This fictionalized version of Uwe Boll is loosely based on the fact that he makes horrid movies, but focuses on his apparent sadism. He loves mocking and humiliating his enemies (i.e. mainly everyone).

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