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The Ninth Crusade (Team Four Star)

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Listen up, those who have come to serve the unyielding will of our Almighty God! We have come together this night, under the glow of a London inferno, in the eyes of our Lord, for one divine reason: FUCK THE NEW POPE!

The Ninth Crusade is the collection of forces allied under Enrico Maxwell in Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. Unlike their original counterpart, they are much more dysfunctional and seek to overthrow the new Pope due to the widespread reforms he's brought to Catholicism.


After Maxwell grew bored of watching England burn, several of his followers come up to him to inform him that America is imploding for non-Millennium related reasons. They also tell him that, while they were unable to conscribe the Papal Knights to their cause, they were able to recruit some "eager volunteers".

The various Catholic organizations then introduce themselves to Maxwell and state their numbers. Once this is done, Maxwell gives a speech criticizing Pope Francisfor the reform he's brought to the Catholic Church before declaring himself the new Pope and announcing that they will be purging England of its "demons and heathens".


  • Italian Order: 510 paladins representing the Catholic order in Italy.
  • Mexican Inquisition: Members of the Catholic church in Mexico. They are comprised of 888 "conquistador inquisitors".
  • Sacred Order: A group of forces from the Jewish temple Beth Zion who are only allied with the Ninth Crusade because they get to kill Nazis.
  • Salvation Army: An organization in Canada characterized here by their homophobia. They are comprised of 509 crusaders.
  • Ku Klux Klan: An infamous hate group from America. This chapter of the KKK claims to be from the "South Carolina Baptist Confederate Congregation" and is comprised of at least 300 members.


That Argentinian windbag has ruined us! Prattling on and on about the poor... We are the House of God, not a fucking soup kitchen!
~ Maxwell
Thank you! Even we're sick of feeding people! And we're Italian!
~ Italian Order Leader
And what does he do with the golden throne? Replaces it with a WOODEN CHAIR! Probably carved by more poor people.
~ Maxwell
Jesus was a king first! Carpenter second!
~ Mexican Inquisition Leader
And do not start me on the homosexuals. Oh, if you love them so much, why don't you fucking marry them?! You seem so OK with the concept!
~ Maxwell
Yeah, fuck bro! It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and another dude in there havin' sex!
~ Salvation Army Leader
And he has the gall to renounce the Old Testament as "mere stories"! "We should be more like Jesus and congregate with whores, and homosexuals, and POOR PEOPLE!"
~ Maxwell
Yeah! Perhaps we can all just agree that, maybe, Jesus wasn't the Son of God!
~ Sacred Order Leader
We are the congregation of a wrathful God! We shall begin a new papist succession and I shall lead us in the 9th Crusade! For I am your leader, THE NEW POPE! And after we are finished purging England of its demons and heathens...WE! WILL!-
~ Maxwell
Round up all those dirty ni-
~ KKK Leader
OK, YOU need to CHILL!
~ Maxwell

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