'Uman! Lovely with a bit of mint sauce! 'Ow about a trade?
~ The Simulant about Lister
Now, 'ow about a toast, 'ey? To Simulants: the greatest droids in the universe - but never trust 'em, 'ey? Cheers!
~ The Simulant's toast
It's all 'opeless! Nobody loves me! I'm so ugly! I never get invited to parties! I 'ate this ship! I 'ate *everything!
~ The Simulant's depression

The Rogue Simulant is the main antagonist from the Red Dwarf episode Beyond the Joke. He is an unnamed, rogue Simulant who deeply hates humans and even eats them with mint sauce. He also can't pronounce "h".


After all Kryten's heads blow up, the Boys from the Dwarf have to board the obviously abandoned ship called SS Centauri and looks for some spare mechanoid heads there. They succeed, but the heads they find miss primers. Moreover, the ship isn't deserted at all, as there is a Rogue Simulant and his GELF minion from Kinatowowi tribe. Since Simulants hate humanity, Kochanski and the Cat disguise themselves as GELFs while Lister is their human pet.

They meet the Rogue Simulant who flips a coin: tails means they can have mechanoid heads and heads means he gets Lister to eat him with mint sauce. Luckily, it is tails, so the Boys can take the heads and their primars.

However, when they return on Starbug, they find out the Simulant's GELF mate ransacked their ship and even stole Kryten's body while they were trading. Back on SS Centauri, the Rogue Simulant orders his own mechanoid Able to repair Kryten and then flies the ship away as fast as possible. The Boys try to catch them, but the Centauri is just too fast. Kochanski then suggests to turn and fly away, so it would look like they left a bomb on the Simulant's ship.

The Rogue Simulant swallows the bait and tails on Starbug. He, his minion and the both mechanoids are beamed into its cargo bay. The Simulant points his gun to Kryten's head and threatens to shoot him if they don't tell where is the bomb. He then reveals Kryten how to access a secret file about his creator in his memory, hoping to cause him depression what actually happens. Able then remembers that this is how the Simulant broke his spirit and turned him into an Outrozone addict. This leads him to switch sides and attack his owners. In the floowing confusion, the GELF is killed and the Simulant is knocked out and sent back to SS Centauri.

When he wakes up, he immediately tries to catch the Boys, who hide the Starbug in the asteroid belt. However, Able takes the Outrozone in the cockpit and accidentally pushes some switches on the control panel, powering up their engines. The Rogue Simulant notices and shoots them. Luckily, Able takes an escape pod and attacks Centauri with the pent up emotions stored in Kryten's nega-drive. The Simulant gets depressed because he is ugly and never invited to parties. He then goes crazy and destroy the whole Centauri.


  • He was portrayed by the late Don Henderson, who also played Imperial General Cassio Tagge in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.