If you are 18 years or older or are comfortable with graphic material, you are free to view this page. Otherwise, you should close this page and view another page.
|“||Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to!||„|
|~ Nostalgia Critic's catchphrase|
The Nostalgia Critic is one of the many characters created by Douglas Darrien Walker, also known as That Guy with the Glasses, and the main protagonist of his website. He is usually a short-tempered movie critic who reviews movies from the 90's era backwards but at times acts as a villain. Most prominently as the main antagonist/protagonist villain in his site's two year anniversary film, Kickassia.
He is played by Walker himself, and subtle hints throughout the series hint that "Douglas Darrien "Doug" Walker" is the Nostalgia Critic's true name.
KickassiaThe Critic discovered the micronation of Molossia, and becomes obsessed with taking it over and ruling it. The Critic personally attempts to solely take control, but was met with the door slammed in his face by president Kevin Baugh. The Critic decides to call upon his fellow reviewers to help him with the takeover. He motivates them with promises of continuing the invasion across the world and the second attempt was an utter failure, as the entire group was chased away by a single Uzi pulled out by Baugh.
Phelous suggests using weapons, which the Critic takes as his own idea and dresses up as M. Bison, leading the charge and successfully taking over the nation. The Critic names himself President and the Nostalgia Chick as Vice President (parodying Sarah Palin). During the next few weeks, Molossia, now Kickassia, begins to have financial problems, and the Critic does nothing but sit and watch Hogan Heroes while stealing Phelous's ideas. Baugh, in his alter ego, inspires the others to contemplate the idea of being President and gives them a receipt for 20,000 pounds of dynamite, signed by the Critic himself. The others begin to doubt the Critic's honesty and mental health, and Cinema Snob concludes that he is indeed nuts when the Critic creepily admits to buying the dynamite, in case someone threatens to take his new nation.
Film Brain overhears their plan to overthrow the Critic and tells the latter, who orders a trial for Cinema Snob. Everyone refuses to allow Snob to be exiled, but the Critic, abusing his power, overrules the refusals and Snob is exiled (though he states he's going to just stay at the hotel across the street). Everyone now decides to rebel against the Critic and decides to unleash Dr. Insano on him, after some reluctance from Spoony, but he eventually agrees. A fight ensues between the Critic and Insano, but he overpowers the mad scientist and holds him at gunpoint. Linkara and Benzai appears to stop Critic and accidentally spills it that they are conspiring against him. In panic, Insano begs for help from Santa Christ, who gets shot by the Critic and dies.
The death of Santa Christ inspires Film Brain to join the others, who gets Linkara to plan a strategy. The Critic is caught off guard the next day when all of the reviewers attack him and corner him in the presidential house's kitchen. After a severe beating, the Critic is knocked out and everyone begins to fight over the role of President. However, Santa Christ appears and advises everyone to give back the nation to Baugh, considering the trouble caused by their invasion. The Critic recovers and refuses to give his nation to anyone and attempts to activate the dynamite, but the Snob had disabled them and the Critic is victim of another severe beating. He is forced to give back Molossia to Baugh, and angrily leaves, wondering why he wanted the place at all.
Surburban KnightsThe Nostalgia Critic discovered a chain mail letter in his email revealing the existence of a magical gauntlet called Malachite's Hand. After doing research he discovered that the gauntlet indeed exists, though he continued to believe there was no magical properties in it and merely wants it as an object to make people pay to see. He then finds a map that would lead him to it, but he needs others and himself to dress up like fantasy characters. The Critic sent various slips of papers to his reviewers lying that they had won a free car. They were of course enraged at the revelation and decided to plan to kill the Critic in his sleep. The Critic greets his fellow reviewers before dodging a gunshot from Linkara and tells them about Malachite's Hand. Though the reviewers, except for Film Brain are skeptical. The Critic attempts to motivate them with an epic speech, but finds his living room empty and tells everyone leaving that if they refuse to participate they are fired.
That night, the Critic overlooks his costume for the quest before finding Ma-Ti in his room, holding his own slip promising a car, though the Critic claims he never sent Ma-Ti one. Ma-Ti attempts to propose that he could join him and the others on the quest, though the Critic convinces him to stay. The Critic dresses up as Link and splits up the group in order to cover more ground.
Leading Team A, the Critic encounters various enemies, such as Cat, Chester A. Bum (as "The Voice of the Forest"), and Witch Warrior. All through this, the Critic fails to stay in character and accidentally continued to show his bare crotch due to his short skirt. Obscurus Lupa (as Snow White) and Nostalgia Chick (as Arwin) teach him to act like a lady, despite his protests. Ma-Ti continually shows up, offering to help, but knowing that he is useless, the group wards him off by lying that the Nostalgia Chick lost her contact lens or that 8 Bit Mickey had a goat fetish and is in need of goat porn in order to be properly aroused.
The Critic and Team A arrive at a house and finds a book, which when opened, released Jaffers, the creator of the game. However, realizing that the critics are not true of heart, he attempts to kill them before they can find the gauntlet. Walking back home, the Critic snaps and rants about the others' insistence on staying in character, why he should even bother with stopping Malachite, and that Zelda is such a cockblocker. In his anger, the Critic realizes that Malachite sent him the chain letter, and that he wanted someone smart, brave, and adventurous enough (though Mickey corrects him by saying that he is in fact very greedy and none of those he listed). Realizing the danger of the situation, the Critic sets out of stop Malachite before running in Suede, having returned from his church mission and was a temp obstacle. On the way to the gauntlet, Suede tells him and the group about the backstory of Malachite. However, much to his rage, the Critic discovers that the gauntlet is in fact right where they started. Taking out the gauntlet and after shortly defeating Jaffers, the Critic discovers that Jaffers had replaced the gauntlet with a Power Glove, much to the approval of everyone present.
Jaffers breaks free however, and calls on the help of his obstacles (though they are temporarily delayed by street traffic) and an epic battle ensues, with Team B returning to help with the fight. Malachite arrives and kills most of the Obstacles (except for Cloak #1, who is revealed to be the Last Angry Geek) and dons the Power Glove, having full control over his magical powers once again. However, Ma-Ti appears and interrupts his attempt to destroy the world of technology, ranting about how everyone has been a dick to him before trying one last time to do something. He points at Malachite and yells heart, effectively hurting the sorcerer. Realizing that Ma-Ti's ring is the Ring of Aeon (Malachite's old friend and the forefather of technology) the Critic and the others cheer Ma-Ti on as he fights off Malachite, resulting in a huge explosion that kills him. The Critic is saddened and has his cremated remains be put in an Oatmeal can and launched into space. After a few days of depressive loitering, Linkara accidentally mentions the Necronomicon, inspiring the Critic to find the book with Chester A. Bum.
Angry Video Game Nerd II: ASSimilation
The Nostalgia Critic appears in the video game Angry Video Game Nerd II: ASSimilation, serving as the secondary antagonist, a frequent mini boss and the Nerd's rival.
The Critic first appears at the end of the The Unnecessary Tutorial, having found the first piece of the Sexforce within the Nerd's basement and declaring that he has stolen his rival's stuff and scattered it around the world, with the ultimate goal of saving the world before the Nerd can and gain all the glory for himself. Angered at the theft of his stuff, the Nerd engages the Critic in battle and emerges victorious, with The Critic dropping his piece of the Sexforce as he escapes.
The Critic appears again several times throughout the game, serving as the mini boss of the world's Hang Dong 97, Area 52 and Monster Madness. He appears once more at the end of the Final Tower level Virtual Insanity, challenging the Nerd to one final battle. After his final defeat, the Critic straps a bomb to his back and plans to sacrifice himself in order to weaken Death Mwauthzyx, the game's final boss, in order to get all the glory, but the bomb explodes and kills him before he can do so.
- In his NickToons Review, when he was reviewing Doug, it's heavily implied that he killed someone after having a psychotic episode.
- In his Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog review, he is brought to insanity by the annoying and unlikable characters and shoots them dead.
- In his reviews of Waterworld and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Santa Claus: The Movie he smiles and laughs sadistically at scenes where children are slapped in the face.
- In Kazaam he takes a turn for disturbing, saying "If this movie were a dog, I'd have it put down! If this movie were a starving young woman who begged me for just a bite of my ham and salami sandwich, I WOULD KILL HER!..." His voice becomes demonic when he says this and his face overall darkens. He then even admits this is an evil thing to say, apologizing with "Alright, that's a little dark, but you know what I'm getting at."
- In his Quest for Camelot Review, The Critic kept questioning the logic of the movie, and the lack of explanation, to the point where be created a massive explosion of rage, which resulted in the destruction of a city. He ended doing it twice in the review. He also did this during his Old vs. New: The Nutty Professor, but thankfully it was a small explosion.
- During his Top 11 Nostalgia Critic F*ck-Ups, The Critic beat up one of his workers who accidentally posted the wrong video. Despite that the co-worker apologized for what he did, The Critic bashed his face onto the table forcing him to apologize again. The Critic then processed by kicking the co-worker and told him to lick his feet, follow by beating him with the handle of his gun. He then ended by telling him to clean up is own blood. The Critic attacked the Co-Worker one more time with the handle of the gun just for saying, "Get what?"
- At the end of the same countdown, The Critic broke into Douchey McNitpick's house and proceeded to shoot him. The Critic also did this during the Top 11 Nostalgia Critic F*ck-Ups Part 2.
- In his Revenge of the Commercials Review; after being tricked that there was a cure for diabetes, he lost interest in the commercial. He also decided to give five people diabetes. However, after he called a random person to inject some diabetes in them, the Critic realized that he's done something horrible.
- In this Baby Genius Review, The Critic was is a state of shock on how terrible the movie was. As he continued think of the movie, he became so enraged, that he punched a random guy in the face while he was attending a Con. In the same review, he had a Q&A panel he had to attend. Shortly after he sat on the panel, he got back up and yelled; "FUCK YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!". After he got out of his shocked state, he attended another Q&A panel, and said the exact same phase during the first Q&A; "FUCK YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!"
- He can be extremely sadistic when inventing his own scenes for the movies. For instance, in Santa Claus: The Movie he suggests what really happened was Saint Nick falling down in the snow and dying of hypothermia, then laughing about it. Also, in his review of A Simple Wish he expresses his desire to have Anabel make her teacher's head blow up when practicing magic, and smirking about it saying it might not make sense but it's better than the movie where an awkward stare takes place. Also, the Critic says what if Murray, in his teleportation attempt, made Anabel's school crumble into nothing, presumably killing the kids inside, and he laughed with glee when he proposed it.
- At the end of Jingle All the Way, the Critic, who had been infuriated with Santa for not giving him the Batman game he wanted, he goes to the North Pole, and shoots the jolly old elf in the head, killing him. The Critic then says "And a happy new year!" mockingly.
- In his Moulin Rogue Review; the Critic shot brentalfloss for no reason except they needed a sad moment to end the review.
- In his Child's Play Review, the Critic shot Phelous because he dies five times during the review. He does the same to Mr. Explainy-Pants in Phelous' review of Child's Play 3.
- The Critic is also shown to kick various reviewers out of his house or hotel room. This happened during his The Wiz Review with Todd in the Shadow, The Bloodrayne Review, with both Spoony and Linkara.
- Near the end of The Wiz Review, Linkara showed up telling the audience that both he and the Critic are going to review Swamp Thing. The Critic retaliated by punching Linkara in the face, off-screen. He did this just so he could relax.
- During his Odd Life of Timothy Green review, it was implied that after watching the movie for the first time, he killed his neighbor's cat.
- In his Catwoman review, the Critic became a complete hypocrite as he originally said that he's against women getting paid less than men, as well as when men sleep with multiple women is a player, but when women sleep with multiple men they're a slut. But after hearing the term "Male Academia", he then replied; ""Male academia." Suck my sexist, women bashing, chauvinistic, stripper watching, porn loving, overly paid dick!"
- In more recent episodes (namely The Master of Disguise review), the Critic's mental state has progressively gotten worse; including laughing sarcastically so hard that he beats random people up with a baseball bat, beats up Rachel as she laughed at a fart joke, and even destroyed the Happy Madison Productions building, making this one of (or perhaps the) worst of his acts.
- Debatably one of his worst villainous acts was during his review of The Shining Mini-Series. As the review went by, the Critic grew increasingly bored with the series to the point where he went on a murderous rampage, attempting to kill Malcolm and Rachel. Rachel suggested that if he found one good thing about the series, the Critic would finally calm down. However, the Critic was in denial that there was any redeeming quality as he considered the series to be boring. Eventually, Rachel found one good thing about The Shining Mini-Series; Jack's character was much better developed, as it showed the progression of Jack turning into a murderous psychopath. Because of this, Steve Weber's performance was, debatably even better than Jack Nicolson's in the movie (which, in retrospect, could have been switched out with any other of Nicholson's roles). At first, the Critic protested that the psychological progression wasn't scary, but the more he thought about it, the more he concluded that Rachel was right. Unable to comprehend that Stephen King was able to pull something off better than Stanley Kubrick, the Critic went to a corner and sat down to rest. His love for the film, coupled with the shock that King did something better than his hero Kubrick, left the Critic frozen in a comatose state.
- Another example is in his Eight Crazy Nights review, in which he lured four Happy Madison productions fans into the bathroom so that they could laugh at poo. After they entered the room, the Critic threw a grenade in with them and locked the door, killing them. However, their ghosts returned at the end to annoy him further.
- During his Les Misérables review, The Critic, along with Kyle, and PawDugan didn't want brentalfloss in their review, so they make various excuses to keep him out. The three also tried to keep other reviewers from joining the review like Todd in the Shadows, Linkara and Nella.
- During his Ghost Dad review, Critic exacted his revenge on Malcolm and Tamara for what they did to him during his Wicker Man review. He lied to them that he had committed suicide after watching Ghost Dad and was a ghost, and that the only way to keep him visible was to do random, and rather stupid stunts such as, having Malcolm dress up like Gandalf the Grey while doing Jumping Jacks and reciting dialogue from Big Lebowski backwards. He also forces Tamara to dress up like a sexy Dorothy while wearing a sombrero, and have her talk in a Dorothy voice. The Critic continued to humiliate the two until he told them that he made it all up. The two managed to get some payback by beating him up off-screen.
- During the Disney Afternoon episode, The Nostalgia Critic physically and conversationally abused his friends/co-workers, though he mainly beat up Malcolm several times. Once after Malcolm saying that he kinda like the TV show Doug, and another time when he mentioned Duck Tales, as the Critic had just gotten the theme song out of his head after 24 years. After Malcolm mentioned Duck Tales, the Critic ended up knocking him out, as well as having blood on his hands. Even though Tamara asked the Critic if they should get an ambulance, the Critic replied that it's too late for him. He also pulled out a shotgun and threaten them with it. He also acted rather childish towards them.
- During his Food Fight review, The Nostalgia Critic watched a video of the last person who reviewed the movie. The video showed the reviewer committing suicide, to which the Critic replied, "Oh, I'm sure he's fine." He then told Malcolm and Tamara to keep checking those numbers as it's the least they could do to indulge the brilliant, intellectual minds he written for them. At one point, he was terrified by the film's imagery, that he confessed to a number of acts he had done in the past; including cancelling Firefly, encouraging Friends to becoming an online series, telling Taco Bell to have a breakfast menu, telling John Travolta how to pronounce Idina Menzel, and being the one getting rid of cartoons on Cartoon Network. After the review, the Critic found out that Food Fight had lost it's popularity, and as a result went on a rampage on various food produces in his house.
- During his Swan Princess review, The Nostalgia Critic placed Malcolm and Tamara in the closet after they finished a segment known as Everything Wrong With This Plan in Under 40 Seconds and locked them in. He also said that he'll let them out if he makes another Sam & Max joke, which apparently, he never makes enough of. He's about to get his just desserts as the two are forcing him to review The Lorax.
- During his review of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, the Critic wore a chill pill patch so he would not scare his fans with his typical explosion of joy that came around every Christmas season. Tamara objected to him wearing the patch, believing that he should be able to celebrate Christmas his own way. At the end of the review, despite Malcolm's objections, Tamara removed the patch, resulting in the Critic releasing all of his pent up love for Christmas by singing the heavy metal song 'I Fucking Love Christmas' (with Jesus Christ on guitar). This terrified Tamara and Malcolm so much that they tranquilized him in order to keep him under control, but he had developed a resistance to tranquilizer because of his obsession and finished the song, during which he said he would kill the two if they did not celebrate with him.
- The Nostalgia Critic appears to cross the line in his 2015 review of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where he got so annoyed at Michael Bay's version of a classic franchise, that he actually shoots dead a whole bunch of children just so he can feel better.
- In the beginning of his Smurfs review, a flashback is seen of events that took place before the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Review. The Black Nerd arrived at the Nostalgia Critic's house and asked to be in the review too. The Critic response by claiming that he could, only to lock him in the storage closet, and left him there for several months.
- In the same review, when Tamera said Fantastic 4, the Critic response by punching her via a backhanded fist. He also did that to Malcolm as well.
- It's also been implied that the Critic has been holding Malcolm hostage.
- In the same review, when Tamera said Fantastic 4, the Critic response by punching her via a backhanded fist. He also did that to Malcolm as well.
- In the Conquest of the Commercials, he takes delight at the sight of Pokémon about to be crushed to death by the bus driver, but is dismayed when the bus they are all in simply compresses into a Gameboy. As such, he edits the video so that the Pokémon are killed, taking sadistic pleasure in doing so (along with an crying fans in the background). But it gets worst in his review of Spy Kids 3D that the stadium of the movie is better than the Nintendo 64 video game Pokémon Stadium which it make the Pokémon fans angry then Nostalgia Critic keep taunting them and eating the comments from the fans. Later in the Scooby-Doo 2 review he even insulting again. In Freddy vs Jason review he was try testing the crossover battle with Ash Ketchum and Pikachu battle against Ash Williams from Evil Dead, but then Williams won by killing Pikachu's head off and he said "Oh Pokémon go fuck yourself" then Critic yelling at Ash Ketchum to suck it up.
- At the start of his We Wish You A Turtle Christmas Review, the Critic's love for Christmas reduced Chicago (and to a greater extent, the world) into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. He then proceeded to use a wounded Tamara as a foot stool. At the end of the review however, he declared he would not make the video canon, just before he and Tamara were attacked by a zombie Malcolm.
- In Search of the Titanic, he believed he was going to review Niagara and had guest star appearances in it. But after the crowd wanted him to review the third animated Titanic movie, he went to the room that the guest stars (James Rolfe, Cricket Leigh, Dante Basco and Brad Jones) were in and told them that the show's cancelled. As one of them tried to leave, he struggled to open the door and pointed out that it was locked. At the end of the review, the Nostalgia Critic thought about people less fortunate than him after being horrified from seeing the movie. However, he then remembered that he still had the guest stars stuck in a room. So, he ran over to them and gave them papers that they had to fill out, saying that they won't sue him for any felonies that he committed. As they check the door again, it was still locked.
- In the Grinch review, after he review the movie, he posts how bad it was, but he soon received comments about how the people liked the movie, thus puzzling the Nostalgia Critic. He then realized that he could share his opinion, making him happy, at least that's what the narrator thought. But then, the Nostalgia Critic said, "Nah, I'm right. They're wrong," telling it to the narrator before leaving. The narrator flipped him off after that.
- At the ending of the Cat in the Hat review, he asked Satan for a torture suggestion for Peter Soulless after he condemned him to hell that involves a fork. At the very end, the Nostalgia Critic heard Peter asking someone what they're doing with a fork before he screams in agony, thus pleasing the critic about how others live to regret.
- Towards the end of the Kangaroo Jack review, Nostalgia Critic, while the titular character is doing a Porky Pig impression, takes the opportunity to shoot and kill him.
- In the Norm of the North review, after seeing how bad the movie was, the Nostalgia Critic shaved his head bald and dressed up as a Buddhist monk for believing he achieved enlightenment. However, at the end of the review, Tamara and Malcolm asked him if the movie was any worse than any other films he reviewed in the past before while rambling out their names. The Nostalgia Critic, annoyed by their ramblings, snaps at them and explained the movie was just as bad and was the exact crap he thought he would get. However, he then realizes he didn't achieve enlightenment, but instead watched a stupid flick, and became confused. But then, he realizes that he shaved his head and becomes horrified by it as he clenched his head and shrieks in agony. Malcolm, confused, asked the Nostalgia Critic if he thought he had hair the entire time. The Nostalgia scowled at Malcolm for saying that. Malcolm is then seen running outside of the building with Tamara as the Nostalgia plunges down at them with a katana.
- In Kickassia, the Critic is similar to Macbeth; in fact, the dynamic between him and Kevin Baugh can be compared to that of Macbeth and Macduff.