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Malachite (TGWTG)

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What do you think of the twenty-first century?
~ Malachite's catchphrase
I like the Power Glove. IT'S SO BAD!
~ Malachite spoofing the infamous scene from The Wizard


Malachite is the main antagonist of Suburban Knights, the movie made for the third anniversary of ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com. He is played by Orlando Belisle Jr., who was chosen to portray the movie's villain after his well–received previous role as Roger the Angel-in-Training.


Throughout most of the series he is shown as a mysterious, powerful figure who is somehow linked with the supposedly magical Dungeons and Dragons–related artifact known as "Malachite's Hand", which the Nostalgia Critic and all his friends/employees from TGWTG are searching for, initially intending to exploit it as a valuable collector's item before it is revealed as a genuinely magical and dangerous item.

Thirty years ago, a D&D nerd named Chuck Jaffers mysteriously disappeared after being heard obsessing about Malachite's Hand, leaving behind an elaborate map leading to the alleged location of the gauntlet in the context of a role–playing game. The Nostalgia Critic tricked everyone else into meeting at his house by sending them all fake letters saying they had won a free car, and showed them the news report about Jaffers from thirty years ago to introduce his proposed quest, making everyone dress up as fantasy characters to carry out the process of following the cryptic directions on the map.       

Meanwhile, Malachite himself is first seen in the very first scene of Suburban Knights, where he confronts a rather stupid man driving down a deserted highway as a hitchhiker, and inside his car proceeds to question the man about his reliance on modern technology such as a GPS, questioning his opinion of the 21st century and the notion that technology is causing people to lose their intelligence, intuition and willpower. When the man is completely oblivious to Malachite's philosophical offerings and thinks that he is on drugs, Malachite explodes his head and then blows up the car. Over the course of the next several episodes, he follows the TGWTG gang as they search for the gauntlet and fight other magical people who are its guardians, and along the way is shown murdering two other people in a similar way to the driver.

Eventually, they locate Chuck Jaffers, who was imprisoned inside a magical book and reveals that Malachite put him in there when he learned that he was trying to keep the gauntlet from him. Jaffers, who is still fanatically devoted to protecting Malachite's Hand from outsiders at all costs, then attempts to kill them before divulging any further information. Continuing to follow the map's riddles, the gang later discovers the "Voice of the Ancient World", a spirit with the voice of the Angry Video Game Nerd whose purpose is to reveal the true origins of Malachite and Malachite's hand.


MalachiteOld

Malachite shown in the flashback.

The spirit explains that in ancient times, there lived a sorcerer named Malachite and an alchemist named Aion, who were both the greatest masters in their respective crafts. Then one day, the King of all the land called Aion to his throne telling him that he wanted to devote all the kingdom's resources to developing a society built around whatever was the strongest force, science, which he was the master of. When Malachite heard of this, he challenged Aion to a fight to determine whether science or magic was the strongest, and for this battle Malachite created Malachite's Hand. Aion won the battle, resulting in the modern world being dominated by technology and magic disappearing, and buried the gauntlet in a secret place.

Malachite, who had made himself immortal with the gauntlet prior to losing it, lived to witness this entire gradual transition over the centuries, making him grow to hate technology. With the location of the lost artifact now within reach, he intends to retrieve it and use its power to destroy the technological world as we know it.

Malachite (Suburban Knights) - Opus Magnum03:18

Malachite (Suburban Knights) - Opus Magnum

Finally, it is revealed that the gauntlet is in fact buried directly under the same field where the Critic and friends began their quest in part 1, but the original metal glove has been replaced with the Power Glove from Nintendo with the original magic crystal attached. After a final battle with Chuck Jaffers and the other guardians, Malachite appears from across the street, kills the guardians, and then effortlessly steals the Power Glove from the Critic and puts it on, restoring him to full power. Using a wide variety of magical powers and superhman martial arts, he proceeds to overwhelm the entire TGWTG crew, and makes the Critic repeatedly hit himself in the groin. As Malachite begins to summon what appears to be his finishing move, a phone in his pocket rings and he answers it, confusing all the people, who call him out on being a hypocrite, though he denies it, angering Malachite who then continues to cast his ultimate spell.

Before he can finish it however, Ma-Ti from Captain Planet and the Planeteers, who is a recurring joke character on TGWTG and had been sent on several meaningless errands by the Critic throughout the previous episodes to stop him from joining in on the adventure, comes onto the field and starts complaining about how everyone always mistreats him for having the useless power of "Heart", and decides to take out his frustration on Malachite, while the others seriously attempt to warn Ma–Ti that the sorcerer will actually kill him, which he ignores. Ma–Ti pulls out his seemingly useless Heart ring in defiance and yells "Heart!" again, which, to the surprise of all, actually harms Malachite and knocks him back. It is realized that Ma–Ti's ring is actually the ring created by Aion to counter Malachite's hand and which defeated him long ago, and so the others begin enthusiastically urging and cheering for him to continue using it. Eventually, the result is a collision between the full–powered blasts of both Malachite's Hand and Ma–Ti's Heart ring, finally climaxing in a tremendous energy explosion that kills wipes him out, leaving behind only Malachite's hat.

However, Malachite was later revealed not to have been killed. A DVD extra reveals that in a bizarre twist of events, he has been banished to the All Around cafe in Wisconsin. Malachite appears to have been completely drained of his powers, and is bound to the cafe in such a way that if he tries to escape, he will be blasted with bolts of energy. He is now forced to work there, under the watchful eye of the manager Marie. It is abundantly clear that he thinks of his new residence as a personal Hell. However he accepts that his personal Hell has a variaty of flavors to offer.

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