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Lol
Click to help Cruella!
This scum Lord English is driving Cruella insane!
IT MUST BE REWRITTEN OR ADDED TO!!
So sayeth the great Lord of Darkness Sauron, or he will send Darth Vader to terminate you.

Help improve this article by rewriting, expanding, updating the poorly written text of the article. Stop hand

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YOU. YOU THERE GIRL. QUIT ALL THIS SCURRYING AROUND. DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN ESCAPE ME BEFORE I ARRIVE? HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO OUTRUN ME WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE?
~ Lord English to the Handmaid.
HONK. HONK.
~ Lord English emitting the Vast Honk.

Caliborn also known as Lord English is the overarching antagonist of the Homestuck franchise. Originally a young red-blooded cherub who serves as the "brother" of Calliope, he amalgamated with Gamzee Makara and Arquiusprite into an all-powerful, time-traveling demon.

Biography[]

Most info is taken from the MSPA Wikia itself since it's hard to chronologically describe his story due to his time travels.

Caliborn makes his first appearance in Act 6 Act 2. Although his body is not revealed he contacts Dirk Strider under the name "undyingumbrage". He tells Dirk that The Condesce will try to kill Dirk because Dirk messed with her. While Dirk is fighting the Condesce's drone minions, Caliborn messages Dirk in the past and tells him that in the future he will tell him a big plot twist about his sister. He then tells Dirk that in order for him to tell Dirk the plot twist Dirk must send him pornography. When Dirk sends Caliborn "pornography" (which, in reality, is just SFW ship art of Dirk and his friends), Caliborn messages present Dirk that he will not find out the plot twist for another year.

Caliborn tells us in Act 6 Act 6 Act 5 what happens to him after gaining Immortality. John uses his powers gained from touching the treasure to warp into Caliborn's room with the rest of the kids, answering the threat, but John, Dave, Rose, and Jade are instantly sucked into the Treasure by Caliborn. The other kids attack, but Caliborn easily defeats them, however, Gamzee is sliced in half. Jake uses his powers to create a hope field, stunning Caliborn so that Dirk can banish his soul. Dirk does not have the strength to do so and is about to be killed, but ARquiusprite suddenly appears out of nowhere and holds Caliborn long enough for Dirk to trap both their souls (and Gamzee's) in Li'l Cal.

In Act 6 Act 3, Caliborn hires Jack Noir from his session to kill Calliope in her dream so when Calliope goes to sleep she will never wake up again. Caliborn then tells this to Dirk as the big plot twist. Caliborn is then finally revealed laying on his bed and waking up.

Once he wakes up, he frees himself from the shackle he attached to his leg. As for the other leg, which held Calliope's chain that only she could release, Caliborn bit it off and replaced it with a robot leg instead. As a result of this, Caliborn prepares to enter his Sburb alone. However, the game is not meant to be played alone, which leads to him only being given a Cruxtruder and the kernelsprite collapsing into a black hole.

In Act 6 Intermission 4, Caliborn walks a long way and finds his adventure to be boring and for nothing. However, he sees Gamzee Makara approach him and attempt to be his guide. Caliborn then proceeds to gun him down with hundreds of bullets.

When Caliborn thinks Gamzee is dead, Gamzee crawls to him and gives him a green box. Caliborn connects this green box with one of the hundreds of computer screens. The computer screen turns on, revealing Jane Crocker. Caliborn starts contacting Jane and taunts her by telling her that Calliope is long gone and forever dead. Jane throws a fit of rage and smashes her computer because of this

The Midnight Crew (Act 3) Intermission introduces Lord English as the mysterious but absent leader of The Felt, a gang of time-traveling gangsters that the Midnight Crew vows to murder due to their destruction of the Midnight Crew's casino. By the end of the Intermission, we only see a glimpse of his rainbow-lined green Cario overcoat on a coatrack throughout the entire time that the Midnight Crew damaged his green mansion.

Skipping way farther into the webcomic, after Doc Scratch, his right-hand man, takes over the narrative "while fixing the act 5 disc" and punishes Damara Megido after she tries to escape (a troll girl he apparently keeps locked in his apartment and grooms for horrible things). Doc Scratch expounds on how everything is hopeless for Damara Megido, as she will become The Handmaiden, a heartless servant to Lord English, and sow terror on Alternia. He then intercedes and says that she will die at the hands of The Condesce, passing off the curse of servanthood to her upon her deathly final recruitment job. When Damara tries to escape from Doc Scratch's apartment with the help of Andrew Hussie, Lord English intercepts her in flight, and takes her into his service, fulfilling the time loop the smug Doc Scratch implied.

At the end of the Trolls' Universe (brought on by the death of Snowman) Lord English emerges from Doc Scratch's puppet corpse and time travels back in time to begin his time on Alternia. In the past, he establishes The Felt on Alternia's green moon and causes havoc on Alternia along with the Handmaiden, causing him to be seen as a figure of death (the angel of double death) on Alternia. Interestingly, during English's summoning, the parts of Scratch's genetic code that were written in the troll's Flarp rulebooks occur. The grandfather clock "t1CK"'s and "t0ck"'s. After which the "8r8k H34DS" occurs as Scratch's head breaks. Then English proceeds to "honk HONK".

Sometime later, English somehow enters Andrew Hussie's home (possibly through the Fourth Wall that Hussie used to enter Scratch's home) and seemingly destroys the narrating Hussiebot.

Immediately after killing Hussie, English enters his sarcophagus and flies through the Furthest Ring. He lands inside a dream bubble containing the doomed timeline versions of the pre-scratch kids and post-scratch trolls. Using the White Wand, he conjures a beam of energy that bursts from his mouth, killing the doomed timeline characters and destroying the bubble in an explosion visually reminiscent of shattering glass.

Later, Gamzee then transportalizes his green-suited Lil Cal doll containing an active instance of Lord English to Jack Noir while in jail. Using Cal's "magnificent eyes", Caliborn or Lord English is able to possess Jack Noir, becoming Lord Jack or "Union Jack"(somewhat of an 'English' flag joke). Now in Jack's body, English fires a rainbow energy blast at Prospit's moon and destroys it. He then goes up to fight both Jane Crocker and Jake English. Before attacking them with a crowbar, Jade Harley interrupts the fight and teleports him outside of the Alpha Session. Later, Dave Strider, Dirk Strider, and Terezi Pyrope are assigned to defeat him.

As English flies back to the session in Jack's body, he is spotted by Spades Slick. Spades Slick realizes it's English and charges at him for a chance at revenge for the Felt destroying his casino. English is charged by Slick until they bump into Dirk, Dave, and Terezi. Both Slick and English prepare to fight everyone.

Meanwhile, Lord English from the Trolls' Universe, after being led around the Furthest Ring and carving a path of shattered reality, goes into a dream bubble filled with members of Meenah's and Vriska's ghost army ready to fight him.

During the final battle of the Alpha Session, Lord Jack gets Dirk Strider into a choke-hold before Spades Slick gets Lord Jack into another choke-hold. Dave Strider then finishes them off by beheading all three while they are in a straight line. Lord Jack's head explodes, sucking Gamzee Makara, Yaldabaoth, and most of LOTAK into it, teleporting all of them to post-scratch Earth in Universe C. Thus, the time loop of Lord English's creation is created.

Lord English fights off the Ghost Army, killing them off one by one with little effort. Aradia Megido then freezes him in time, which gives the ghost an advantage in attacking him. When Lord English is able to move again, he is attacked by Davepetasprite^2 but manages to knock them down. Afterward, Vriska Serket opens a treasure chest that contains the juju to defeat Lord English. Lord English's fate is left ambiguous, however, it is presumed he is blasted by the juju into the black hole created by the destruction of the green sun.

The Homestuck Epilogues[]

In the ambiguous canon epilogues, it's shown that the juju unloaded John, Dave, Jade, and Rose, who fought him. Jade and Rose were erased from the battle almost immediately, as Jade had no green sun powers and had a panic attack, while Rose really didn't do anything. English died after a climactic battle with John, Dave, and Davepetasprite^2, killing Dave and lodging a poisonous tooth in John. Lord English gets sucked into the black hole that was the Green Sun thanks to Davepetasprite^2's sacrifice and reappears in the "non-canon" Candy timeline, where he's cannibalized by Alternate Calliope.

Skaianet Systems Incorporate[]

He briefly appears in the History files, ordering the Condesce to somehow navigate to another universe.

Personality[]

Lord English is a brutish and blasphemous figure. He usually types in Large font, all CAPS with perfect grammar. Uses felt (light green) color text, but may also use shifting colored text. It is stated that he appears to be in a permanent state of rage, which may be the result of Gamzee's influence.

It is hinted that although English is an adult cherub physically, with the full cheeks showing that one side fully dominated over the other, he may still be a child mentally. Andrew confirms this, saying that he used the dream self-game mechanic to dominate his sister in an unnatural way, meaning he was missing critical maturation from living with her. This unnatural predomination is actually why he lacks wings.

Powers and Abilities[]

After conquering his quest, English has gained total mastery over the forces of Inevitability, making all events in reality fall for him, as so, every outcome and causality retroactively serves him so he always prevails. This includes the Narrative itself.

English owns a Cairo Overcoat that represents the space/time continuum and gets damaged when time-related things get out of hand. The Cairo Overcoat can turn into an Egyptian sarcophagus, which English can entomb himself in order to travel throughout time once inside a universe. English has been shown to have in his possession a golden scepter, atop of which is an orb, glowing with multiple colors, that possibly represents the Green Sun. This scepter seemingly demonstrates a more controlled form of Weapon/Object Duality, as it has been shown to morph into a golden assault rifle. Hussie met his end with this transforming scepter. He also possesses Calliope's wand, which, with his help, is used to destroy the Dream Bubbles, along with the many dead selves of all the Homestuck characters.

Gallery[]

Images[]

Videos[]

Trivia[]

  • English is named after the pool term "english", meaning spin on the cue ball (which refers to his relationship with Doc Scratch, who represents the cue ball). Calliope indirectly references this when they stated that they like the planet Uranus because of its unusual rotation compared to other planets, but can't remember the technical term for said rotation.
  • In the Intermission, English's name appears as Lord English, without the flashing pool ball sequence replacing the "o" in Lord. It doesn't appear until Doc Scratch's introduction in Act 5 Act 1.
  • English is a Lord of Time, which is reminiscent of Doctor Who, in which the main character is a member of a spacetime-travelling alien race called Time Lords (and is later responsible for the destruction of his own species).
  • "Lord English" has eleven letters, which ties in with the Cherubs' relation to the number eleven.
  • The pool balls that appear together on each frame of his eyes are paired like Quarters' coins; 1 and 11, 2 and 12, 3 and 13, 4 and 14, 5 and 15, 6 and 9, 7 and 10 and finally, two eight balls. The significance of this (if any) has yet to be seen. However, 111 is an arc number for Act 6, while 6 and 9 have been used to refer to the "sym69l" of The Signless. Meanwhile, 8 is the sum of 4, 1 and 3.
  • While Caliborn is definitely the main component of Lord English, it's ambiguous whether they can really be considered the character or not since it's not clear whether Caliborn is fully in control of the fusion or if Lord English, while mostly Caliborn, has his own personality (especially since the latter also briefly demonstrates to have a bit of Gamzee's personality when he honks).

External Links[]

Navigation[]

           Homestuck Logo Homestuck Villains Homestuck Logo

The Felt
Lord English | Doc Scratch | Snowman | Caliborn

Derse
Black King | Black Queen | Jack Noir (B1) | Jack Noir (B2) | Jack Noir (Dead Session) | Draconian Dignitary | Courtyard Droll | Hegemonic Brute | Underlings
Midnight Crew
Spades Slick

Alternia
The Condesce | The Handmaid | Grand Highblood | Imperial Drones | Vriska Serket | Gamzee Makara | Eridan Ampora | Kurloz Makara | Aranea Serket | Trizza Tethis | Soleil Twins | Nihkee Moolah | Chahut Maenad | Amisia Erdehn | Tirona Kasund | Lynera Skalbi | Elwurd | Ardata Carmia | Marvus Xoloto | Wanshi Adyata | Zebruh Codakk | Azdaja Knelax | Konyyl Okimaw | Lanque Bombyx | Remele Namaaq

Other Villains
Bro Strider | Insane Clown Posse | Guy Fieri | Calliope and Caliborn's father | Ultimate Dirk | Jane Crocker (Meat Timeline) | Jane Crocker (Candy Timeline)

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