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Lance Blastoff

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Appearing in Frank Miller's parody comic Tales to Offend #1, Lance Blastoff is a mercenary and raider who acts as a brutal "superhero" parody.

Tales to Offend #1

In the first "Lance Blastoff" narrative, he appears to save a female tour guide on the Dinosaur Planet from being eaten by a T. rex. Blastoff violently murders the creature for its meat and to satiate his violent tendencies. He delivers a parody moral encouraging children to eat meat and getting the female tour guide hooked on the stuff. Later on, he deserts the tour guide after they've had sex, saying he got what he wanted from her. She is then attacked and presumably eaten alive by another T. rex. As Blastoff vacates, he notes he could have warned her, but then he'd "never get rid of her".

On his ship the Starship Phallica (a parody of Battlestar Galatica), Blastoff is greeted by his collection of "slutbots". He receives a distress call from a group of small aliens. Blastoff initially considers either ransacking the aliens' ship for parts and weapons to sell, or using them as food for an upcoming party. The aliens offer their knowledge to make a more peaceful world in exchange for his help in their escape from a dreaded enemy. Deciding they're cute, Blastoff decides to help them. And he does so by having every member of the alien race lobotomized and sold as pets on the Mall Planet.

The cover also shows a possible scene wherein Blastoff sells weapons to belligerent aliens who intend to use them to wreak havoc and conquer. Blastoff is apathetic as long as their money is good. Whether it happened or not, the scene is rather revealing of Blastoff as a character.

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