|“|| Mario: Mama, you know who you're talking about. You know what he's done.|
Luigi: If he had the chance he'd kill you for fun and dance around in your skin! He's a monster!
Peach: A psychopath! A cannibal! I haven't forgotten...
|~ Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach on Kirby|
Kirby, also referred to simply as The Cannibal, is the main antagonist of the internet series There Will Be Brawl (spoofing There Will Be Blood). The series itself is a dark parody of various Nintendo game characters fighting for survival in a dying world.
He is voiced by Matthew Mercer (one of the creators), who also plays Ganondorf and other characters in the series.
Kirby is a large pink round creature with a long mouth with a constant psychotic smile. He has blues eyes and sharp teeth stained with blood. His arms are two pink fin-like appendages and two round feet.
Kirby is a highly playful and malevolent creature with an extremely disturbing and rebarbative personality. He is pure evil and insane, but he is also cunning, intelligent, knowledgeable, and manipulative. He enjoys manipulating others, constantly toying with others psychologically. He relishes in the fear others possess of him, constantly seeking to increase it. This fear extends to both torturing and killing others. Sometimes, he chooses to leave his victims alive with the terror he forced them to endure.
He has a complete lack of empathy, and is arguably the most insane character in this fan-film. He sees everybody around him, friend or foe, as a potential victim, and tries to constantly remind them of this. As described by Ganondorf, "He kills to feed his hunger, but hunger of a different kind." This hints that his madness may have stemmed from either a xenophobic fear or hatred of others not of his kind. He has an obsession with killing anything and anyone, and kills even the most innocent of people indiscriminately and for his own pleasure.
Kirby used to be Dreamland's greatest hero. But eventually, Kirby went insane by unknown causes and for unknown reasons. He proceeded to plague many cities in an infamous killing spree, until he was captured in the Mushroom Kingdom by the Super Mario Brothers. He was incarcerated in Petal Meadows Asylum, but the fear that he left behind would send the Mushroom Kingdom into poverty. During the War of the Elite, he escaped in a raid on the prison that he was transferred to, he escaped his cell, killing his arch nemesis Meta Knight and wearing his face for fun. Kirby snuck into the Ivory Towers during a battle occurring near them, killing the Shadow Don, Ganondorf Dragmire and stealing back his progeny that he had left behind during his reign, Ness and Lucas, two psychic and insane children. However, before he could try eating Luigi, Luigi uses a fireball to make an explosion supposedly killing him....for good. While it is unknown what became of Ness and Lucas, he survived the reign, possibly going to haunt the Mushroom Kingdom once again.
There Will Be Brawl
Beginning his reign
|“|| Luigi:You knew Kirby before any of us did. |
King Dedede: You know I always hated him and you got that pinko before I did. I was still trying to keep Dream Land together when Meta Knight went off to track him down, he knew I couldn't save our home without him. He was obsessed! So I carved a new place for myself out here, waiting for my second chance to get back that fucking puff ball.
|~ Luigi and King Dedede, former ruler of Dream Land|
Arriving in the Mushroom Kingdom
After plaguing Hyrule, Kirby arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom. Kirby quickly found the "perfect killing ground", enjoying the "xenophobic misery" of the nation. He decided to stay in the kingdom and haunt it, driving the once happy and peaceful nation into chaos and anarchy. Kirby killed indiscriminately, making him extremely difficult to capture as there was no pattern to his crimes.
Contact with Mewtwo
|“|| Ganondorf:Before Mewtwo rose to power, the Cannibal grew fond of the tense city, enjoying the xenophobic misery of it. The perfect killing ground...|
Luigi: And when Mewtwo came to the kingdom, Kirby sought him out.
Ganondorf: But the Cannibal didn't feed that day, no. He was far too evil for that. He whispered.
|~ Ganondorf Dragmire and Luigi on Kirby's contact with Mewtwo.|
Kirby left Mewtwo alive solely for the purpose of leaving him as prey to his own madness for the rest of his life. This would later help to continue Kirby's legacy when he was later locked away.
Capture and Incarceration
However, the Mushroom Kingdom was in luck when Meta Knight arrived. The authorities found him and convinced him to cooperate with the pursuit of Kirby. Meta Knight, having studied Kirby's methods and habits in his obsession with the killer, proved to be an extreme asset. The authorities eventually found Kirby attacking Daisy, the lover of Luigi. Luigi tried to save her, but he was too late. Kirby killed her, wearing her head like a hat and joyfully dancing around in it. Luigi and his brother, Mario, would capture Kirby weeks later. Princess Peach ordered him incarcerated for life in Petal Meadows Asylum, where Meta Knight would watch over him, his hateful obsession ever continuing.
The Butcher's Reign
Six years after he was imprisoned, during the War of the Elite, a new butcher entered the Mushroom Kingdom and started a new reign, which opened the wound the Mushroom Kingdom was still recovering from. Princess Peach, hoping that Kirby would know who the butcher was, went to Petal Meadows Asylum to talk to him.
Escorted by Meta Knight to Kirby's cell, Peach was malevolently greeted by the Cannibal. Kirby hungrily taunted Peach, asking her if she was starting to grow weary under the pressures of office. Kirby, having heard about the killer, goadingly questioned Peach on how desperate she was to find the Butcher. Peach, disturbed by Kirby's words, tries to leave, but is spat at by Squirtle, a Pokemon and another inmate. Kirby, witnessing this, calls Peach back, ordering to leave the file on the killer with him and return the next day.
Kirby examined the files, and quickly deduced that what was happening was the work of his progeny, the children of Mewtwo's psychic army. When Princess Peach was later abducted, the police interrogated him for information on what she did when he last saw her, but he did not spill a word to them.
The next night, Kirby was transferred to the Mushroom Kingdom Police Station, in hopes that they would be able to find out about the Butcher through Luigi, who was just hours ago incarcerated at the prison. Meta Knight accompanied Kirby to guard him. The Cannibal was given a brass mouth guard for safety precautions. Luigi entered the room, and was insidiously greeted by Kirby.
Luigi, seeing the one who had killed his princess, threatened and cursed at Kirby, who only responded with sarcasm and taunts. Kirby told Luigi that he was the only one who could lead him to the Butcher, but agreed to tell him only on the condition that he answer how many "whores" Luigi would need after his second princess died. Suddenly, the alarms sounded, and Kirby's cell opened. Removing his mouth guard, Kirby prepared to attack Luigi, but was held off by Meta Knight.
Meta Knight and Kirby fought, but Kirby was unable to kill his nemesis. It is implied Kirby has found a way to kill Meta Knight (most speculate it was the fire flower left by Mario.). It is shown that Kirby turned out victorious and has killed Meta Knight and has taken his sword and wearing his face like a mask. After six years of incarceration, the Cannibal was freed.
Retrieving His Progeny
Kirby found out that Ganondorf Dragmire, a dangerous mafia don of the Elite, was controlling his progeny, as there was a pattern in the killings and Ganondorf had not been killed by the butchers. Kirby somehow tracked Ganondorf to the Ivory Towers (possibly by following Luigi's trail), where he found a crazed Ganondorf on top of the tallest tower with Luigi. Kirby stabbed the Shadow Don with Meta Knight's sword, pulling off Meta Knight's face to reveal himself to Luigi. As Luigi stared in horror at his old enemy, Kirby evilly thanked Ganondorf for watching over his progeny while he could not, before he decapitated him, ending the reign of the mob, and in a way, saving the Mushroom Kingdom. Then, the two Butchers, Ness and Lucas came to his side, taking a liking to the pure, unfiltered evil in the Cannibal's soul.
Poised to begin his reign once again, Kirby heard the voices of both Peach and Daisy crying, taunting Luigi about having now lost two princesses. Kirby pounced on Luigi, ripping out a portion of his cheek with his teeth alone, ready to consume him as revenge for imprisoning him for six years. However, before he could devour the Super Mario Brother, Luigi pulled a Pikmin out of his pocket, and generated green fire from his left hand, and clapped them together, causing a large explosion. Luigi barely managed to survive, while Kirby disappeared along with Ness and Lucas, their remains remaining unfound.
Continuing His Reign
Although he was now believed by the entire kingdom to be dead, Kirby somehow managed to survive the explosion. The next day, he went into the office of Shigeru Miyamoto, having killed Masahiro Sakurai along the way, Ness' bloodied cap on his head (possibly having eaten the boy), and made a phone call to the orphanage being used to house refugees of the war, asking Samus Aran for Luigi in order to let him know that he was alive and on the loose. Luigi picked up the phone, greeted by the evil cannibal. Kirby asked if he had "satisfied his princess at last" to which Luigi responded that he had "satisfied them both". Finding twisted satisfaction in the answer, Kirby told Luigi that he had "relics to return to some old friends", and hung up the phone with the parting words, "Ta-ta heroes. Bear your scars well...", just as an unidentified man entered the room.
Freed from prison and with no cops or mafia to get in his way, Kirby restarted his reign of terror that day. Whether he will seek out Luigi for revenge, or what he "relics" he possesses and what he intends to do with them is unknown.
Known Powers and Skills
Kirby is highly knowledgeable, cunning, manipulative, and deceitful. This is what made him so dangerous during his reign. Here is a list of his abilities:
|“|| Luigi: There has to be a pattern!|
Link: There's nothing! Victim backgrounds, areas of abduction, no connecting thread.
|~ Luigi and Police Chief Link while investigating Kirby's killings|
Kirby was not only skilled in evasion, but could also apparently cheat death. When Kirby was caught in an explosion that Luigi caused in the Ivory Towers, he later appeared alive and unscathed, even though he was at point blank range near Luigi when the explosion was caused. However, it is possible that Ness and Lucas saved his life with their telekinesis.
Whenever Kirby killed someone, he would wear their skin and dance around in it for fun. This habit gave Kirby prodigious skills in disguise. When he killed Meta Knight, he wore his face for pleasure, until he took off the face when he attacked Luigi in the Ivory Towers. Not only could Kirby wear his skin and appear precisely like his enemy, but he also managed to perfectly impersonate Meta Knight's deep voice in gloating pleasure when he killed Ganondorf Dragmire.
Kirby is shown to be relatively skilled in unarmed combat. He was able to hold his own against Meta Knight without a weapon in the police station, even though his enemy was wielding a sword. Kirby was eventually able to kill his nemesis when he found a fire flower lying on the floor.
Kirby proved himself to be capable of wielding a sword. Kirby used Meta Knight's sword to stab and decapitate Ganondorf Dragmire, flourishing the weapon after killing the Shadow Don.
Kirby was apparently able to teleport. When his cell door opened when Luigi interrogated him, Kirby apparently disappeared, leaving behind his brass mouth guard. The lights in the room flickered, and when they came back on, he quickly appeared in front of Luigi. It is unknown if he was able to use magic and teleport, or if he was just extremely fast. It is also possible that he used some other method to move so fast.
Kirby was an infamous creature, feared and hated by nearly anybody who knew him. Kirby made many enemies during his reign, and he viewed everybody around him as a potential victim, making him unable to see anybody as a friend. His greatest enemy...was really Meta knight for his "misconception".
King Dedede was the ruler of Dream Land, of which Kirby was a civilian, and was one of only two known survivors of his attack. It is implied that Kirby may have known King Dedede personally before his descent into madness, and was responsible for him becoming a crime lord in the first place. During his reign, Kirby devastated Dream Land, leaving Dedede unable to rebuild it by itself. Dream Land was doomed when its greatest hero, Meta Knight, left to pursue Kirby. King Dedede bore a grudge against Kirby for the rest of his life for what he did, and took up residence in the Mushroom Kingdom, partially to wait for his chance to avenge his homeland.
Kirby was captured by the Super Mario Brothers and incarcerated in Petal Meadows Asylum, much to the anger of King Dedede, who wanted to kill the Cannibal himself. During the War of the Elite, King Dedede was butchered by Kirby's progeny, and on the same day, Kirby escaped his imprisonment.
Meta Knight was a hero of Dream Land. His relationship with Kirby before the latter's madness is unknown, if they ever had one, but during his reign, Kirby became the most important person in Meta Knight's life. It is likely that Kirby did something terrible to Meta Knight, which made him extremely vengeful towards the psychopath. Meta Knight abandoned Dream Land to its doom to pursue Kirby in his pathological obsession. Meta Knight aided the Mushroom Kingdom Police Force in capturing Kirby, and joined the police force to be specially assigned to Kirby's cell in Petal Meadows Asylum.
During this time, Meta Knight studied Kirby's habits and quirks, coming to know more about him then anyone else did. When Kirby was transferred to the police station for interrogation, Meta Knight came with him. When Luigi questioned Kirby about what he knew of the Butcher, Kirby tried to put the blame on Meta Knight, saying that he had come to understand the mind of a criminal very well. When Kirby escaped from his cell during a raid on the prison, Meta Knight finally saw his chance to kill Kirby. However, during his fight with the Cannibal, Kirby burned him to death with a fire flower. Kirby celebrated killing one of his worst enemies by wearing Meta Knight's face and claiming his sword.
Luigi was a man who Kirby considered his most valuable prey, and seemed to enjoy torturing him more than he did his other victims. Luigi hunted for Kirby during his reign, and succeeded in capturing him with the help of his brother, but not before Kirby killed his lover, Daisy. This would change Luigi's life forever, making him a very solemn, quiet, and sad man. Luigi, during this time, came to both fear and hate Kirby more then anybody else in his life. Kirby was interrogated by Luigi, who treated him with disgust, and only stood his hand at attacking him because of Meta Knight. Kirby psychologically tortured him, asking him questions about Daisy's death and what he would do when Peach died. Kirby escaped from his cell and tried to kill Luigi, but was held off by Meta Knight.
Kirby later followed Luigi's trail to find Ganondorf Dragmire, and therefore, his progeny. After killing Ganondorf, Kirby taunted Luigi about having lost two of his lovers, and tried to kill him. Despite managing to rip off a large portion of Luigi's cheek, he was once again prevented from killing the Super Mario Brother by an explosion he caused with a Pikmin. Kirby survived the explosion, and called Luigi the next day to inform him that he was still alive and on the loose. He asked Luigi if he had satisfied his despair over Daisy's death, to which Luigi stated that he had satisfied both Daisy and Peach. Kirby, having heard this answer, left Luigi to hunt for new prey.
While Luigi hated Kirby more then anyone else in the world, Kirby found him to be his most valuable victim, and longed to murder him when he was imprisoned. Kirby took pride in having ruined Luigi's life, always taunting him about it. Kirby also served as somewhat of a mentor to Luigi, helping him get over his depression over Daisy by forcing him to face his past.
|“||Good evening Princess Peach.||„|
|~ Kirby introducing himself|
|“||Six years since you condemned me to this cell, not much has changed with me. How are earthlings outside?||„|
|~ Kirby to Peach|
|“||Civilians have been abducted in guard, and you want to know if I'm involved.||„|
|“||Do you hear them princess? Do they still whisper my name? Has this... butcher, reopened the wound your subjects have long since scabbed?||„|
|~ Kirby to Peach|
|“||It is time I returned a few... relics to some old friends.||„|
|~ Kirby to Luigi|
|“||That one's come to understand me very well.||„|
|~ Kirby on Meta Knight|
|“||I can only imagine, when I ate your princess I wore her head like a hat and danced in the streets.||„|
|~ Kirby taunting Luigi|
|“||When they found your second loyal lover cut to ribbons in the gutter, how many whores you were attending?||„|
|~ Kirby to Luigi|
|~ Kirby (disguised as Meta Knight) stabbing Ganondorf|
|“||Good evening, Luigi. It's good to see you. You fled so quickly last time. Two princesses now, isn't it?||„|
|~ Kirby to Luigi|
|“||I told you true Luigi. The answers were right there... waiting to devour you. Now, I tell you to succumb!||„|
|~ Kirby to Luigi just before he attacks him|
|“||Ta Ta! heroes. Bear your scars well!||„|
|~ Kirby's last words in the series before talking with Miyamoto himself|
- Numerous unseen victims
- Meta Knight
- Masahiro Sakurai
- His disturbing personality traits are obviously parodied off Hannibal Lecter form The Silence of The Lambs.
- Kirby was the reason There Will Be Brawl was created in the first place. The film's writer's, Zack Grafton, and Matthew Mercer (who also voiced Kirby), discussed how twisted Kirby was when one looked at it in a certain way (as he ate people and wore their skin, when in reality he inhaled enemies and copied their abilities, but spat the enemies out later.), so they decided to create There Will Be Brawl to represent it.
- It has been confirmed by Matthew Mercer that a prequel to There Will Be Brawl will be created delving in to Kirby's descent into madness and rise as The Cannibal is currently in production.
- His presence is usually accompanied by Decay by Kevin Macleod.