|This scum Kearney Zzyzwicz|
is driving Cruella insane!
IT MUST BE REWRITTEN OR ADDED TO!!
So sayeth the great Lord of Darkness Sauron:
or he will send Darth Vader to terminate you.
He has a buzz cut, and wears a torn white T-shirt, blue shorts, and studded wristbands. Although he looks and sounds to be around Jimbo or Dolph's age, Kearney is actually older. He is the only Springfield Elementary School student who remembers the Watergate Scandal and the 1976 Bicenntenial (according to Principal Skinner), was in Otto the bus driver's third-grade class (according to Otto), owns a car (even though he rode the school bus on "A Milhouse Divided", "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife, and Her Homer", and "How the Test Was Won"), regularly shaves, has custody of a child from a divorce, is old enough to vote in a general U.S. election, was sent to prison (though Bart imagined Kearney as one of the juvenile hall inmates in "Marge Be Not Proud" and in "Lisa the Skeptic", Kearney is seen working alongside Jimbo and Dolph in a juvenile hall chain gang), and pays taxes (though it is heavily implied that Kearney has no job nor receives any means of income (in "Kill Gil, Volumes I & II", Kearney asks a department store Santa for a vibrating video game chair for Christmas and Kearney's son tells his father that they cannot afford it), though Kearney had a temporary job as a camp counselor in the season four episode, "Kamp Krusty", along with Dolph and Jimbo, and once applied to be a nanny for The Simpsons (of whom Homer approved, but Marge did not).