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Excuse me, I just have to clarify myself
~ The Guide

The Guide Mark II is the evil counterpart of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It is an artificial intelligence which has the power to track anyone's IP in any universe ever.


The Guide Mark II was created after the Vogons took control over the original Guide Headquarters with Zarniwoop. The Guide Mark II was very similar to the original Guide, which was displaced, but the original Guide looked like a laptop, whereas the new Guide looks like a black featureless disc with no markings. The original Guide had "Don't Panic" printed on its cover; the new Guide just said "Panic."

The intentions of the Vogons making the new Guide was so they could find all Earths in every universe and blow them up.


The Guide Mark II was first introduced when Ford Prefect breaks into the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Headquarters, on the planet Ursa Minor Beta. The offices have their thirteenth floor blacked out with curtains, and Ford becomes suspicious because it is only on planet Earth the thirteenth floor is forgotten, no other races have that superstition. The Guide is soon found when Ford breaks into the office and finds a black disc lying on the table. Soon cracks begin to appear in the disc, and Ford begins to get alarmed, so he steals it. Sending the Guide off to Arthur, Ford escapes from the Vogons and he finds that they infiltrated the Guide.

Ford visits Arthur himself, only to meet an obnoxious young girl, Random, who makes off with the stolen Guide on Ford's own spaceship. The Guide has revealed its true form, a black bird, to Random, and seduced her into getting to Earth so it can alert the Vogons. Arthur and Ford chase down Random and the Guide, but realize too late the Guide has told the Vogons to attack. The Earth is blown up in the resulting chaos, and all's bad  that ends bad.