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|“||Well, I don't know about you, but I'm off||„|
|~ Ford Prefect expresses his contempt for the Golgafrinchams|
|“||There was a terribly good reason for that which I can't remember. It had something to do with, er...||„|
|~ The Captain of the Golgafrinchams|
|“||YOU'RE A LOAD OF USELESS BLOODY LOONIES!||„|
|~ Ford Prefect's outburst on the Golgafrinchams|
|“||Ah yes, that was the reason||„|
|~ The Captain of the Golgafrinchams|
The Golgafrinchams, aka Homo sapiens are the main antagonists of The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.
The Golgafrinchams are the natives of planet Golgafrincham, and it has a rich and violent history, such as the nature of the Golgafrinchams. Two-thirds of their population are useless, lazy and selfish. Their ancestors were the Bards who would lie in wait in mountain passes, wait til travellers came, and throw rocks at them. When the travellers demanded them to stop, they would then break into forty-seven verses of their songs about majestic princes who go forth to battle gods, rescue beautiful monsters from evil princesses, and then find enlightenment. The Golgafrinchams eventually became businesslike and stiff, and declared that their planet was going to be devoured by a mutant star-goat, which enabled them to rid themselves of an entire useless third of their population by putting them on interstellar ships. The other people on Golgafrincham stayed at home and lived rich lives before getting wiped out in a universal pandemic.
Arrival on planet Earth
The third of the Golgafrinchams that had left their planet travelled for many years across space, roughly one million years ago, and they found Earth, a planet which orbited a small yellow sun in the outer reaches of the Galaxy. In the unfashionable Western end. Because Ford Prefect had said that regular fame-seekers would record historic moments on camera, one native does when his people are struggling onto land. Hundreds of Golgafrinchams are lost to the swamp in which their ship crashes.
Coincidentally, the ship hits the land which would become Islington in London, but this is nothing.
The Golgafrinchams on the ship, to time-travellers Ford and Arthur Dent's dismay, are either fat joggers, hairdressers, executives, and business people. Ford is disgusted at this and says he is leaving immediately. Arthur reluctantly follows.
They find the planet is Earth after finding Slartibartfast's face in a glacier in Norway.
The natives of Earth, the primates, are being extinguished by the overpopulation of the invasive Golgafrinchams, and they are the original parts of the computer programme started by Deep Thought the computer to calculate the Answer to the Ultimate Question. However, the Golgafrinchams still have the mentalities to carry out the Answer.
The Golgafrinchams displace and kill off the last primates and they are callous about it, making jokes about their downfall.
All the Golgafrinchams care about is making enough money as possible, and to this end they deforestate the entire planet by using the tree leaves as money. Ford sees this as insane, and to his dismay the Golgafrinchams are not technologically advanced, they say they have "a little difficulty" with the wheel, and they aren't sure about fire.
Ford says that he found that the planet will be destroyed by the Vogons in two thousand years, so it doesn't matter what they do from now on. He has seen their future and it is not pleasant.
The Golgafrinchams stay on Earth for a while, and upon finding new continents, they declare war on them, even though they are empty, "the war to end all wars."
After a tough Winter, during which they fail to find any soap mines (because in their view nobody has looked hard enough) they decide they "need a holiday" and travel on ship across to Africa, where History says they survived.
The Golgafrinchams are, true to form, a very violent, militaristic and rigid society. Their chain of command is the Captain, their leader, then Number Two, Number Three, and the lieutenants. Their aggressive nature continued to their descendants, humanity, and Arthur Dent said "Can you imagine what a world would be like descended from those - cretins we arrived with?"