  |
This article's content is marked as Mature The page contains mature content that may include coarse language, sexual references, and/or graphic violent images which may be disturbing to some. Mature pages are recommended for those who are 18 years of age and older. If you are 18 years or older or are comfortable with graphic material, you are free to view this page. Otherwise, you should close this page and view another page. |
| “ | Hail Satan! | „ |
| ~ The Woodland Critters |
The Woodland Critters (mistakenly referred to as Christmas Critters) are major antagonists from the adult comedy-series South Park.
They are the main antagonists of the Season 8 episode Woodland Critter Christmas, the secondary antagonists of the Imaginationland trilogy and minor antagonists in the 2017 video game, South Park: The Fractured But Whole.
They are a group of deceptively cute, warm and welcoming, yet unimaginably evil creatures. Although they were originally nothing more than figments of Eric Cartman's imagination, they would later return as actual threats due to the existence of Imaginationland. They are widely considered to be amongst the most dangerous and disturbing antagonists in the entire show (also showing just how twisted Cartman himself is for creating them).
History[]
Woodland Critter Christmas[]
The episode takes place mostly inside of Eric Cartman's imagination, although the episode is actually just a story Cartman wrote for school on Christmas. The story begins with Stan (referred to as "The boy in the red poof ball hat") in the woods (for some reason) where he meets the Woodland Critters.
Stan is very confused about the critters, but they eventually convince him to help them with their Christmas tree by putting the star on top of it. Stan does so (reluctantly) and leaves for his house. Stan awakens to find the Woodland Critters in his bedroom (somehow getting inside undetected) that night.
They happily tell him that Porcupiney is pregnant with the critter's "savior" (Stan believing them to mean a child of God). They once again persuade him to help build a shelter for their baby (again Stan reluctantly and annoyingly agrees). Afterwards they tell Stan that a mountain lion eats the critter pregnant with the savior (convincing Stan that the lion is evil) and that Stan is the only one who can kill her
Stan makes his way to the mountain where the lion lives and draws her out. Stan eventually tricks it into falling to her death, killing the only thing that could stop the Woodland Critters. The lion's three (now orphaned) cubs are drawn out by the commotion and are horrified by the death of their mother. The cubs can talk and are humanly intelligent and ask Stan in tears why he murdered their mother.
Stan, realizing his mistake, confronts the Critters and discovers their true colors and motives. Their 'savior' is actually the son of Satan (to which the Critters seem surprised that he would not know as, in their words, "only Satan would fuck a porcupine").
They sacrifice Rabbity in front of Stan before proceeding to have a 'blood orgy', showing their true evil and sadism attitudes. Stan attempts to stop them but is fended off by the critter's satanic abilities, and he flees in terror.
Still wanting to atone for killing the mountain lion and allowing the Woodland Critters to give birth to the antichrist, Stan returns to the mountain lion's lair to try and get the cubs to help him stop the critters.
They make an abortion plan and the narrator teleports Stan and the cubs to an abortion clinic (against his will, of course). After the cubs are trained by a doctor, Stan and the cubs rush to stop the Woodland Critters. Meanwhile, the Anti-Christ needs a non-baptized human host to possess when born, so the critters search for one. After realizing that he has never been baptized, they kidnap Kyle (who is more evil due to this being Cartman's story) and use him as the host.
Stan and the cubs are too late and find that the Anti-Christ has already been born. Santa Claus then arrives (being drawn to the scene by the satanic red light in the sky) and demands to know what's going on. Stan explains the whole story and Santa berates Stan for his idiocy before killing all the Woodland Critters with a SPAS-12 shotgun.
Kyle suddenly wants to be the Anti-Christ's host and allows it into his soul, wanting to make the world a "better place for the Jews". However, he finds having the Anti-Christ inside him to be painful, and he changes his mind about his decision. Though Santa believes there's no way to save the world other than to kill Kyle to stop the Anti-Christ, Stan has the lion cubs abort the Anti-Christ from Kyle's body (literally) and Santa kills it.
Santa then revives the cub's mother and the story ends happily... except for Kyle, who dies of AIDS two weeks later.
Imaginationland[]
In the Season Eleven story arc "Imaginationland", the Critters appeared in reality. Because they were made up by Cartman, they exist in the evil realm of Imaginationland and were freed when terrorists destroyed the barrier separating the benevolent imaginary characters from the evil ones. In one scene, in which other famous villains such as Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees argue as to what to do with a captured Strawberry Shortcake, the Critters disturb the other villains with their grotesque suggestions on how to mutilate, torture and kill Shortcake, with Jason Voorhees saying, "Man, I do not want to meet the kid that dreamt those things up." The Critters also raped (and presumably killed) a squad of American soldiers led by Kurt Russell that had crossed into Imaginationland. They managed to make a Tron Soldier's head explode, attack and gang-rape Popeye in the final battle, but did not manage to kill him. They were eventually all put back behind the barrier to Evil Imaginationland along with the rest of the evil imaginary characters after Butters used his imagination to restore Imaginationland to the way it was before the terrorist attack.
South Park: The Fractured But Whole[]
The Woodland Critters appear as a boss in the video game. After The New Kid time travels to the future, where Eric Cartman’s hand puppet Mitch Conner became mayor and made every day Christmas, the gang is confronted by the critters, who were told to murder them. Luckily, The New Kid prays to Christ and summons Santa to once again kill the critters.
Members[]
The members of the woodland critters are:
- Beary the Bear
- Deery the Deer
- Woodpeckery the Woodpecker
- Rabbity the Rabbit
- Mousey the Mouse
- Porcupiney the Porcupine
- Squirrely the Squirrel
- Foxy the Fox
- Chickadee-y the Chickadee
Gallery[]
See Also[]
- The Woodland Critters on the South Park Wiki.
