Cool Ethan
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♪I love you, but I hate you.♪ ♪Which brings to mind how much I love you.♪ ♪We could have worked it out you know, In a little room, In a little locked room.♪ ♪I'm sorry you had to settle for Dave the one dimension man.♪ ♪He's filed under C**KSUCKER in my little black book.♪ ♪Sweetness can rot your teeth, bitter sweet cacophony, but ..You Hold to the key you hold the key to my little locked Rooooooooom please let me out soooon.♪♪ I love you.
~ Ethan Dullies' disturbing love song.

"Cool" Ethan Dulles is a deeply twisted college social outcast and the main antagonist of the movie Slackers.

He was portrayed by Jason Schwartzman who also portrayed Gideon Gordon Graves in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.


A loner and completely friendless, Ethan is not what one would exactly call evil, but while he seems a harmless nerd, he is deeply twisted, scheming, and psychotically obsessive. Ethan's an extremely unpopular, ruthlessly bullied and much despised young college student, however this is a result of his extreme lack of emotional maturity, ignorance of social norms as he is completely incapable of conducting himself properly, and his often disturbing behavior. Ethan is in love with beautiful classmate Angela. However, this "love" is actually an unhealthy obsession as he stalks her constantly to learn what he can. Has made a hair doll of her out of her hair he has managed to collect and video tapes her every move. Ethan has an obnoxiously high opinion of himself and is not above throwing absurd and obscene tantrums. Being alone and rejected his whole life has caused Ethan to be extremely self-absorbed and uncaring towards others feelings. He never really cared for the homeless people Angela was helping and used them to try and weasel his way into her heart.

His obsession with Angela is truly disturbing. He's even broiled off his chest hair so that it is always in the shape of an A.

When Angela does associate with Ethan It was clearly out of pity.

Ethan's flawed personality is the result of a lifetime of rejection, loneliness, belittlement, bullying, exclusion and extreme lack of affection. However this hardly condones his actions and he's not a figure of sympathy. He's willing to use blackmail, lying and whatever trick available to get what he wants and is selfish, concerned with only his own happiness over Angela's rather than let her be at peace and her own growing love with Dave the one he blackmailed. Despite Dave and his friends cheating, It is Ethan who proves to be a truly despicable weasel. When he learned of Dave and Angela's love for each other, Ethan became psychotically jealous and his and Dave's dislike for one another turned to burning hatred. Ethan tried to sabotage the relationship by playing it out like Dave was the one stalking her. This earned him a well-deserved punch from Dave, but as far as Ethan was concerned Angela was all his.

In the end, he is expelled and hit with a restraining order and will be arrested if he even goes near Angela. His parents, disgusted by his antics, disown him and he is forever denied his dream job. He's then stuck with working miserably at his dead end restaurant job and sings of his love of Angela and his hatred for Dave, forever doomed to isolation and loneliness.


As said Ethan initially comes off as a lonesome social outcast, But it is quickly shown that he is Extremely delusional, sneaky, self centered, lustful, deceitful, disturbed, immature and completely devoid of manners and social skill. He is blatantly rude, insensitive, and is prone to disturbing behavior such as making a hair doll of Angela's hair and talking to it and wearing her panties on his head. He also displays a cruel and vengeful streak. He can rightfully be classified as low level sociopath. However, it can be agreed upon that the lifetime of rejection and loneliness has been hard on Ethan, When at his job and had to wish Dave a Happy Birthday, It was difficult for him to do so as it's clearly obvious no one has ever said that to him.


  • Intelligence: Ethan is shown to be a highly intelligent young man. However, his intelligence is often overshadowed by delusions and twisted behavior.
  • Spying/Stealth/surveillance: Probably most impressive (and disturbing) of Ethan's talents is his skill at spying and surveillance from long distances without being noticed. This was his primary skill at stalking Angela and recording everything she did to know what he could to win her over. This also helped him Blackmail Dave and his friends.


  • Subhuman strength: Ethan is an astoundingly weak young man and has virtually no strength and athletic ability. He has a major glass jaw as he went down after a solid punch from Dave.
  • Social ability: Ethan is completely devoid of any form of social skill and is incapable of proper conduct within society.
  • Animosity: No matter where Ethan goes he's instantly the most hated person in a room. This includes the old folks home and the homeless shelter.


  • Ultimately Dave and Angela falling in love is Ethan's own fault as it was his own blackmail scheme that caused them to meet in the first place.