|“||No no no, nobody presses me, my dear. Here in the Jambalaya, there is no one who can face me!||„|
|~ Dona Álvara (roughly translated)|
"Dona" Álvara Miranda ("Dona" being a Portuguese honorific, meaning "miss" or "madame") is the major antagonist of the 2007-2009 Brazillian sitcom "Toma Lá, Dá Cá". She is the crazy and corrupt superintendent of the Jambalaya Ocean Drive condominium in Rio de Janeiro, always seeking to financially destroy someone to benefit herself and her husband, Ladir. She was portrayed by Stella Miranda.
Álvara is introduced as a crazy, but steriotypical villain, mugging and threatening the other residents, including the protagonists, to benefit herself in any way possible. She also shows constant affection towards her husband, Seu Ladir, also benefiting him and constantly refering to him as a "testosterone bomb". However, many other events she claims Ladir did, are all proof and stories involving homossexualism, usually by his actions. Her other "attacks" are not too damaging, but then things start to worsen.
During the 2nd season, Álvara becomes even more corrupt and obsessed than ever before. She begins to fund massive business ideas using the condo's money and structure to initiate her plans and bribe the local police force to let her go unharmed. Also, Ladir makes physical appearances in this season, and the whereabouts about "testosterone bomb" are finally proven wrong: Ladir is an assumed homossexual. Álvara is just to naïve too notice. Many attempts to prove her wrong were futile, as she only listens to money and her husband. Álvora becomes greedy beyond belief, trying to take down the nearby shrubs (an open-air jungle, also used as a open-air brothel) to acquire a rare mineral called "futestonium", but the mineral's side effect (it increases sexual desire) distracts her from her goal, and she leaves the shrubs without her money. But even after losing a chance, she becomes far more influential in the condo, gaining far more power and money.
Ladir was eventually kidnapped by a go-go dancer, leaving Álvara alone and deeply depressed, so she started to look after new lovers to ease her pain, but they all dumped her over money or power. To make matters worse, she begins to gradually lose power and position, due to a slum community that occupied the shrubs called "Nova Jambalaya" that begins sending her threatening messages to leave her position as superintendent, otherwise the condominium will be invaded and taken over. She obviously ignores the messages, revealing that the reason they are becoming hostile is due to her ignoring previous requests from the community to give them food and a health plan. In the final episodes, the slum's leader, Elvanecir, invades the protagonists' apartments and traps everyone, including Álvara herself, in the living room of Celinha's apartment, due to a recent robbery of her penthouse apartment. The robbery of her belongings causes her to break down in tears and ally herself with the protagonists. The group watches in horror as the condo is destroyed block by block, until they force Celinha's husband, Mário Jorge, to write a happy ending for the series (as the actor that plays him, Miguel Falabella, is also the show's writer) in a "fourth wall" joke. He then decides to make them escape in a flying saucer piloted by Ladir. They leave the building just as the condominium is devastated, towards a planet called "Camalouka", possibly never to return again.
Álvara is depicted as a corrupt, power-hungry woman with deep desires of conquer and achievement. She sees her command over the Jambalaya Ocean Drive not as a job, but as a political mandate that she fervently wants to keep for her entire life. To do that, she will resort to any tactics, most of them illegal, to keep herself above any harm that may come, both to herself and the condo. She is also shown to be openly sadistic, admitting to the protagonists that her favorite thing to do when she visits them is to have fun at their expense and pain.
While evil, Álvara is also incredibly naive to many things that happen around her. She constantly refers to her husband Ladir as a "testosterone bomb" when he's clearly an assumed homosexual, is unaware of his encounters with the nymphomaniac Copélia, and as a prime example, remained aggressive towards the invading slum community attacking the condo, despite their heavily armed militia.
Her most defining trait is her over-the-top personality and demeanor. Most of her lines are spoken in overly-dramatic tones and set between fits of maniacal laughter, which acts as a type of "omen" indicating her presence in a few cases.
Although she is usually seen as a heartless person, Álvara can be good and caring at times, enough to help the protagonists against whatever comes upon them.
- She seeks their help in the first episode of the 2nd season after Ladir slapped her.
- She immediately agrees to go with them after Isadora proposes a visit to a whorehouse.
- During the sex strike due to Ladir's idea of a football cup in the condo, Álvara joins their cause and uses her position to get intel on its proceedings (it should be noted she back-stabs them in the end when a fiscal comes to tax them for the cup's equipment).
- She warms up to Arnaldo after he gains a karaoke.
- After Arnaldo breaks his jaw with a sturdy olive stone, Álvara does not hesitate in helping him out of the apartment.
- After her house is completely looted, she instantly seeks the protagonists' help.
- From the second season onwards, she can be "summoned" by the protagonists whenever one of them merely says her name.
- There are rumors in the condo stating that Álvara was dumped by the devil himself.
- Her power hunger is so over-the-top that she hired Russian mediums to cast a spell to allow her to rule the condominium even after her death.