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Derrick Jones

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Derrick Jones

Derrick Jones

You talk funny.
~ Laura Forester to Derrick Jones.
Yeah, well, you're short.
~ Derrick Jones to Laura Forester.

Derrick Jones is the secondary antagonist of the 2010 horror/comedy film, Piranha 3D.

He was portrayed by Jerry O'Connell.

Biography

Derrick Jones is a sleazy pornographer who runs a pornographic website called "Wild Wild Girls" (a parody of Girls Gone Wild) and is constantly looking for the next big girl. His two main girls are Danni Arslow and Crystal Shepard. He also has a nerdy assistant named Andrew, who tells the protagonist, Jake, that Derrick is a pimp.

He arrives in the town of Lake Victoria during Spring Break, hoping to cash in on the action, where he meets Jake on the beach and employs him to help with the equipment. Even in his employment, he has a wandering eye for Jake's crush, Kelly.

He and his crew head out to film Danni and Crystal skinny dipping, when the piranhas begin attacking, unbeknownst to him. Because of this, his boat crashes and Jake is forced to pick up his little brother and sister, Laura and Zane. That is when Derrick's true colors are shown. With the boat stuck, he is late for a wet T-shirt contest. Angered, he begins to get drunk on a whole bottle of bourbon and takes it out on his crew and Jake.

Jake asks Kelly to take his siblings down beneath the boat, worried Derrick might do something. At that moment, the boat is attacked by the swarm of piranhas, knocking Derrick and Crystal into the waters. There, the piranhas devour Crystal; Derrick, only caring for his life, swims off only to have the piranhas eat the entire lower half of his body. By the time he is lifted out of the waters begging for his life, Jake and Danni are horrified to discover his lower half is basically skeleton from how far the piranhas manage to devour him. Derrick continues to scream in agony, bemoaning about the piranhas taking his penis away from him. Danni cries and places a sheet over him, assuming he has died when he has actually passed out from the shock and extreme loss of blood. Underwater, Derrick's prized amputated penis floats lifelessly underwater (along with Crystal's uneaten silicone breast implants) before the male sex organ is then fought over, devoured then coughed up by the piranhas.

Derrick Jones' death

Derrick Jones's death

Though Jake had nothing but contempt for Derrick, he proved to be useful for something as bait. As Jake goes under the boat to rescue Kelly, Derrick suddenly wakes up coughing blood, grabbing Jake by the scruff of his T-shirt. His last words before he died were "Wet t-shirt, wet t-shirt!".

Quotes

They took my penis! They took my penis!
~ Derrick's anguish from the piranhas biting off his favorite bodily possession
Wet t-shirt... wet t-shirt!
~ Derrick's last words to Jake before he finally dies
Holy shit!
~ Derrick reaction when he sees a piranha eats its way out of Crystal's mouth underwater
Help me, you stupid Nutella!
~ Derrick insulting Danni as she tries to lift him out of the water from the piranhas