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|“||Now this is what I call a platform game.||„|
|~ Conker when he's about to bounce on the sunflower's breasts.|
|“||It's true what they say: the grass is always greener, and you don't really know what it is you have until it's gone. Gone... Gone...||„|
|~ Conker's closing monologue.|
Conker the Squirrel (also known as Conker) is the the main protagonist in the video game Conker's Bad Fur Day, its remake Conker: Live & Reloaded, and the discontinued episodic game Conker's Big Reunion. Despite him being the main protagonist of all three games, he has been considered by many to be an anti-hero.
Conker is an orange squirrel with big blue eyes, he wears a sky blue zipper jacket, white gloves, and shoes colored blue and yellow. The XBox remake gives him green shorts and takes away the gloves.
Conker is a somewhat perverted, selfish, alcoholic, ill-tempered, contumacious, pessimistic, and cynical squirrel. He also has a girlfriend named Berri, and his relationship with her isn't that great. Every time he sees money, his eyes show dollar signs, which shows his greedy nature. He is also very clever and manipulative, able to outsmart his dimwitted foes in a similar fashion to how Bugs Bunny does in his early cartoons.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
At the beginning of the game, Conker is sitting on the throne of the Panther King and starts telling the story of how he became king of all the land, which began the day before. Conker is spending time with his pals at the Cock N’ Plucker pub. Using a public phone there, he leaves a message on Berri's answering machine telling her that he’ll be returning a bit late because he wanted to stay with his buddies longer before they leave for some sort of war. However, after getting royally plastered at a drinking game, Conker decided to leave and drunkenly staggered away from the pub before eventually passing out. He later woke up with a nasty hangover and was unable to do too much of anything until he met an alcoholic scarecrow named Birdy who showed Conker how to sober up.
After this, Conker began his journey home, but it wasn't long before the squirrel also started to get sidetracked over many opportunities to earn money. In much of these cases, Conker was willing to commit various atrocities to get cash rewards. Some of these atrocities include: extorting money from a queen bee, giving innocent cows diarrhoea before gruesomely killing them, stealing from some snobbish catfish and getting them killed, crushing a newborn dinosaur that he befriended, and even murdering a number of angry villagers, among many others.
However, Conker’s actions began to have bad consequences when his presence in the area attracted the attention of the Panther King, who desired to use Conker as a table-leg replacement and sent his guards out to apprehend him. Things started to get worst when Berri was kidnapped from her home and wound up working for Don Weaso, as he was also under the employ of the Panther King. Eventually Conker was hired by Don Weaso to work alongside Berri in a bank robbery, but this was a setup to deliver Conker straight into the king’s clutches. Berri attempted to stick up for her boyfriend, only to be gunned down by Don Weaso under the king’s orders. Conker hardly got anytime to grieve until the situation took another sudden turn, when a Xenomorph-like creature named Heinrich bursts from the Panther King’s chest and the bank is launched into orbit by the king’s traitorous Professor. Conker is then forced to fight Heinrich using a exoskeleton suit and was almost killed before the game suddenly locked up. Conker used this opportunity to blackmail a game programmer into helping him kill Heinrich. The programmer sent the pair to the Panther King’s throne room and after he booted up the game again, Conker slices Heinrich’s head off with a katana. Despite the squirrel’s victory, Berri was still dead and he couldn't return home since he was forced to become the new king, a job he didn't want to have. Conker ends his tale by saying that the old metaphor involving grass being greener was true and you really don't what you have until it’s gone.
Conker's Big Reunion
Conker is back, he was naked, asleep in outdoors, Birdy finds him and tells him that he has to go onto reunion in the Cock and Plucker, since he didn't have money with him he went to find more and discovered that Tediz are still alive, Conker once again defeats them and gets their money, when he gets to the Cock and Plucker he finds out that Tediz are gonna destroy the pub with TNT he drinks some beer and urinates on the burning TNT and stops Tediz and goes to his reunion. However, it turns out that he's the only one who showed up, as all the other characters had their own reunion elsewhere, insisting (via letter) that he shouldn't bother finding them.
- Conker's main villainous act is murder. He has murdered several characters throughout his adventures. Not including any of the bosses, Conker has murdered a mouse, by forcing him to eat a huge amount of cheese, which caused him to explode (though the mouse appears later in the game with his body stitched back together). He is responsible for the deaths of dozens of cave men and golems as well. He killed a relative of his known as Count Batula, by over feeding him with the blood of innocent villagers (also killed by Conker while doing Batula's bidding), which caused him to fall into a meat grinder. Conker also kills his pet baby dinosaur by dropping a huge stone crushing device on the baby. He even killed several cows with a bull ramming into them.
- Another crime Conker committed was killing two innocent goblins that did not know they had TNT on their back, just so that he could complete a mission for the Squirrel general.
- He also extorted money from Queen Bee in order to save her hive, forcing her to triple and then quadruple the amount she was originally willing to give him.
- While he was fighting the Fire Imps he drank a huge amount of alcohol and proceeded to piss on the Imps.
- It turns out that Conker's middle name is The, and his last name is Squirrel.
- In majority of the game Conker burns bats that attack him, and yet ironically, he temporally become a bat after getting bitten by his vampire relative, Count Batula
- Conker isn't just a squirrel, he is also 1/28th vampire because his Great great great great great grandfather is a vampire.
- Conker's pocket tales might be non-canon.