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Cain (Year One)

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My sister Lilith is, a lying bitch!
~ Cain to his father

Cain is the secondary antagonist in the comedy film Year One. He is based on the Biblical Cain. Cain is played by David Cross.


Biography

Am I not my brother's keeper!?!
~ Cain, in exasperation

Cain and Abel first appear when outcasts Zed and Oh come across a herd of "wild" cattle on their travels. Zed, determined to prove his skills as a hunter, tries shooting a cow, unaware his arrow is blunt wood. When this fails, he rushes the cow, jumping on its back but it throws him off.

Cain and Abel arrive and Abel asks if Zed shot his cow. Zed says yes, he did. Cain then introduces themselves as Cain and Abel, and Cain outright says how much he hates his brother, for being a jerk. Abel says that when they made an offering to God, the Lord preferred Abel's offering but Cain refuses to listen and smashes Abel's head in repetitively with a rock.

Zed and Oh are shocked, and Cain tells them he did it in self-defence. When Cain persuades them to go back to his home for dinner, Zed and Oh are disturbed at how Cain is taking the murder of his brother rather well. Cain's father, the Biblical Adam, (who ate from the same Forbidden Tree of Knowledge that Zed also ate from) asks him where Abel is, Cain dismisses his absence as having wandered off, and Zed and Oh struggle not to tell the truth. But its unnecessary, as Adam finds Abel's corpse anyway and flies into a rage to punish Cain. They get away (very slowly) on Cain's chariot of oxen because, after all, Cain's sister Lilith is a lesbian, much to Zed's disappointment.

Humorously, as they leave, God is angered by Cain killing Abel so He strikes Cain's forehead with a lightning strike, leaving a Mark, but Cain is unfazed by all this and sees it as good fortune.

Cain betrays them after they are abducted by Sodomites. After selling them as slaves, Cain disappears for awhile, until Zed and Oh are about to be raped by the men of Sodom. Cain appears from nowhere and saves them, revealing he is now one of Sodom's guards.

Cain apologizes for his earlier treachery and patches things up by hiring Zed as a guard. Oh becomes a concubine. Cain takes Zed on a tour round and when they find the High Priest sacrificing a beautiful virgin to Baal, Cain is the only one who is unfazed. In fact Cain was hoping it would happen.

Later, Cain sells them out for entering the Holy of Holies temple, where the gods are meant to reside. Zed had pointed out its empty and thus it can't be so special. Cain and the High Priest sentence them to stoning. Humorously Cain mentions that they killed his brother Abel halfway through.

When Zed distracts the crowd by mentioning he didn't die in the Holy of Holies, and thus they might be executing the Chosen One, a fight starts and Abraham and his men arrive to kill the King. Cain engages in the fight and engages Marlak, the champion wrestler. Cain says "Big tough guy, huh, what you gonna do? I'm gonna smash your face in!" but Marlak knocks him out, then hits a plank of wood on Cain's head.


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