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Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger

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The Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger is the titular antagonist of the recent trollpasta, Attack of the Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger. As its name suggests, it is a coat hanger that has a pair of soul-piercing eyes resembling those of an alien or a bug. It used to be an ordinary coat hanger until a ghost from the future uses it as a vessel to hunt down and kill a certain person nicknamed Zimloki in order to prevent him from directing an animated movie that would unintentionally insult the Catholic Church. The reason for this is because the ghost-in-question is that of a Christian extremist.

History

The Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger stood next to the clerk's office at a church house until it came to life and started haunting Zimloki. It chased him all around Hixson and even as far out as Outer Space. During its pursuit in Hixson, the Coat Hanger shoved a bar of soap down a high school student's throat for saying the vulgar "d" word, dry-humped a college student while pushing her bellybutton and tickling her armpits and midriff, and clawed four sebaceous cysts out of the head of Zimoki's father, all the while sticking out like a sore thumb to the public. While confronting Zimloki on a freight train, the Coat Hanger grew four mechanical tentacles on its back, but even that didn't help it catch the human as it plummeted into the Tennessee River and he got abducted by a sexy green alien he nicknamed "Goody Two-Shoes" after her pigeon-toed footing.

The Coat Hanger teleported onto Goody Two-Shoes' flying saucer, where it held the alien in place, pushed her bellybutton, and tickled her loins, midriff, armpits, and kneepits. Zimloki shot at it with a blaster rifle he found, hindering its ability to regenerate. Goody Two-Shoes ejected the Coat Hanger into space, but it teleported back onto her spaceship only to be ejected into a random forest, where it got shot down by deer hunters.

Long after returning home, Zimloki saw the Coat Hanger shoving a bar of soap down his father's throat. Enraged, he took out an ax and hacked the menace into pieces. When Zimloki turned his back, the splinters transformed into an army of identical coat hangers wielding World War I Era rifles. The original coat hanger transformed into a huge wooden skeletal dragon, revealing itself to be the ghost of a future Christian extremist who traveled back in time to prevent Zimloki from directing an animated movie that would unintentionally insult the Catholic Church.

Zimloki called the authorities and they arrived to stop the threat. Peeking through the rib-cage of the lead coat hanger, he saw a red holographic head where the heart should be. God gave Zimloki the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and instructed him to remove the Holy Pin, count to three, and lob the explosive at the core of the Coat Hanger. The blessed bomb blew up the monstrosity and banished the ghost possessing it to nonexistence. The army it grew stopped dead in its tracks and crumbled into dust.

Trivia

  • Edward Newton, the author of Attack of the Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger, intended the ghost to be that of a future Christian extremist because he was sick and tired of Muslims being picked on as religious fanatics (and always will be).
  • The Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger's tentacles resemble those of Doc Ock.
  • In a screenplay Edward Newton wrote, the Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger's dragon form is said to resemble a mix between Ridley from the Metroid Series and Solaris from Sonic the Hedgehog (2006).
  • The Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger is similar to:
    • Slender Man: Both are able to grow tentacles, travel through time, and teleport.
    • Piccolo Jr.: Both can regenerate lost limbs.
    • The Broomstick from Fantasia: Both have bodies made of wood and are chopped into pieces only to become an army of themselves.
    • Judge Claude Frollo: Both are Christian extremists who would stop at nothing to achieve their goals and meet a fiery fate near the end of the story.
    • The Killer Rabbit: Both are blown up by the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
    • The Terminator: Both travel back in time to kill someone in order to prevent something from happening.

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