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|“||Wake up! These humans have besmirched everything God has bestowed upon them. They were given paradise — they threw it away. They were given this planet — they destroyed it. They were favored best of all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe that He exists! And in spite of it all, He has shown them infinite f--king patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you once to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them. And what was the result? Our expulsion from paradise! Where was His infinite fucking patience then? it's not right! It's not fair! We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time, don't you think it's time for us to go home? And to do that, I think we may have to dispatch our would-be dispatchers.||„|
|~ Bartleby to Loki after realizing what their plan will do.|
|“||Ladies and gentlemen, you have been judged guilty of sinning against our almighty God, and I promise you, you shall pay for your trespasses, in blood!||„|
|~ Bartelby before killing everyone attending the church's centennial anniversary.|
He is portrayed by Ben Affleck.
He, a former Grigori (watcher), along with fellow angel Loki, were exiled from Heaven to Wisconsin after an inebriated Loki, under Bartleby's encouragement, resigned as God's Angel of Death. The angels see salvation when the demon Azreal sent them a newspaper article about a church in Red Bank, New Jersey celebrating its centennial anniversary with a plenary indulgence. They can have their sins forgiven by entering through the church's doors and get back to Heaven after death. However, they don't realize that this will overrule the word of God, in that he cannot be proven wrong, which will undo all existence.
On the way, Azreal warns them that forces from both Heaven and Hell were going to kill them, because Satan refuses to let them succeed where he has failed. The two angels get on a train and unwittingly meet Bethany Sloane, the last scion, and her party; Jay and Silent Bob; two prophets Metatron said would appear to help her; Rufus, the thirteenth apostle, and Serendipity; a muse with writer's block. Bethany, while drunk, revealed her mission on stopping the angels to Bartleby. He threatens to kill her before a fight began, in which Silent Bob threw the two angels out of a train.
When the two angels realize that their plan would destroy all of existence, Loki wanted to back out, but Bartleby wanted to get revenge at God for giving humans free will while demanding servitude from angels. Loki was horrified at what Bartleby was saying and said that he sounded like Lucifer and didn't want to help him anymore, but Bartleby forced him into continuing their plan.
When they finally arrive at the church, Bartleby kills everyone attending the ceremony and demands Loki to reveal their wings. The heroes finally arrived before the angels could enter the church. They find Loki with his wings cut off by Bartleby. Loki, now human, decides to help the heroes, but Bartleby kills him and says that he lost the faith. He begins fighting off Rufus, Serendipity, and Silent Bob while Jay attempts to seduce Bethany. He mentions John Doe Jersey put into a coma near a skee ball arcade by The Stygian Triplets earlier in the film. Remembering that Metatron says that every now and then God goes to Earth in human form to play Skee Ball, Bethany and Silent Bob race to the hospital. Stupidly, Jay shoots off Bartleby's wings with a submachine gun, turning him human.When Bethany and Bob finally reach John Doe Jersey, Bethany removes his life support in hopes of releasing God, but is inadvertently killed in the process. Before a human Bartleby could run inside the church, he is stopped by God, in the form of a woman, and Metatron. He falls down to his knees in remorse, and God kills him brutally with the power of Her voice. After Silent Bob shows up with Bethany's corpse, God resurrects her and conceives a child inside her.