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|“||GET UP, YOU LAZY, SMELLY THINGS!||„|
|~ The Bald Man|
The Bald Man is a major antagonist in the series A Series of Unfortunate Events. He is one of Count Olaf's theatre troupe, and he delights in tormenting the Baudelaires and making their lives Hell. The Bald Man is one of Olaf's longest-lasting henchmen from the original troupe, as he lasts nine books out of thirteen before falling in the lion pit and getting devoured.
In the movie version, he was played by Luis Guzman.
The Bald Man's real name is never given. He is stated to be permanently bald, and has two dark beady eyes that scare the Baudelaires. He is very sadistic and merciless, and he may have been in V.F.D., along with most of Olaf's troupe. The Bald Man was said to be more evil than the Hook-Handed Man, his counterpart, and he, unlike the latter, has no remorse for his schemes.
The Bald Man is a skilled master of disguise, able to fool anyone who has known him for a while. He fools the Baudelaires twice in their encounters.
When in disguise, he often uses the name Flacutono, which is an anagram of Count Olaf. This is not his real name, however.
At the Lumbermill
The Bald Man was first introduced in The Bad Beginning as one of Olaf's henchmen, and then he reappeared in the Lucky Smells Lumbermill, under the disguise of Flacutono, the foreman of the mill. The other workers all loathed him, saying he was foul, evil and disgusting, and the "worst foreman the world has ever seen!" Nobody knew of the foreman's true identity, they believed he was a new foreman rather than an impostor. But the Bald Man had killed Foreman Firstein who predecessed him and he was using his role to kill Charles, Sir's second in command and hypnotize Klaus to make Klaus tie Charles to the saw. Fortunately, this plan was foiled by all three Baudelaires, including the unhypnotized Klaus, and the Bald Man, still in Flacutono's disguise, was imprisoned with Olaf. But the Baudelaires revealed Olaf as himself, and Flacutono irritably said he should remove his disguise and took off his evil-looking surgical mask, and his wig, and the Baudelaires recognized Olaf's accomplice. However, the Bald Man and Olaf fled, the man wrinkling his long nose at the children as if they smelt bad.
At the Hospital
The Bald Man reappeared at the Heimlich Hospital, where he was once again in the Flacutono disguise. Snicket commented that unlike many evil people, the Bald Man was quite clever, and Klaus and Sunny, disguised as doctors, waited to see if he would recognize them. He did, but only to say that he thought the white faced women looked smaller in the coats. The children had fooled the Bald Man and the Hook-Handed Man, but the Bald Man began arguing with his associate, only to have Klaus shut them up and say they could be rich. The Bald Man agreed and escorted them into the ward where Violet was and said she was "a little Sleeping Beauty" telling a big lie on the way. The Bald Man escorted the Baudelaires to the surgical theatre to perform a "cranioectomy", as in decapitating Violet, but Klaus fooled the Bald Man who got angrier as the crowd applauded Klaus' medical speeches, and then Violet woke fully and Klaus and Sunny got her out away from the Bald Man's clutches.
The infuriated Bald Man escaped with Olaf as he burned down the hospital.
At the Carnival
At Caligari Carnival, where the imposter Olivia Caliban was pretending to be a witch to fool Olaf into getting what he wanted, the Bald Man assisted Olaf in digging a pit for some lions he had been given. The Bald Man ironically referenced his own demise by saying "If the whip is the stick, what is the carrot?"
The Bald Man was summoned to the lion show which Olaf had put on to make more money, and crowds gathered to see someone be eaten. However, the trio of freaks who were with Olivia defected to Olaf, and wanted to throw Olivia in, as suggested by Esme. But a huge argument erupted because everybody wanted a financial reward for throwing in somebody, and Olaf tried to shut them up by saying they were behaving stupidly, and this got it all out of hand, and the Bald Man was infuriated by Hugo saying that he could be as useful as him. This got into a fight and the Bald Man tried to throw in the Baudelaires but he got entangled with Olivia and they both fell in to the pit and were both eaten by the hungry lions.
- The Bald Man is implied to be a pervert, he grips Violet's face and says how she's pretty, and how she wouldn't want her face to be "wrecked" by Olaf.
- In the books, the Bald Man wears a long black robe, which causes him to stand out when not in disguise. The Bald Man is said by Violet to be the scariest henchman.
- Also in the books, the Bald Man is tall and thin, he is short and fat in the films.